Friday, June 24, 2005

DVD Review: Dark Town

A slum owner comes across some vampiric squatters, gets bitten and returns home on his birthday to infect his family. Throw in the mix a group of gangmembers that run from a gunfight only to hide out in the lair. The movie looked suspiciously crappy in the beginning but actually turned into a decent little vampire flick. There's more than a fair amount of gore in the movie and the vampire makeup is better than alot of others out there. There's also a few comedic scenes interspersed throughout that add to the film. Not a great movie, but it was decent. I give it *** out of *****.

DVD Review: Cold and Dark

Remember the name Luke Goss. This dude is gonna hit the big time soon. He stars as a cop that dies and plays host to a creature called The Grail in this supernatural thriller that is much better than your average movie. It's well acted, directed, has great atmosphere and is all around a classy thriller. Goss' character, while dead and possessed, continues to be a cop, but shells out his own brand of vigilante justice. His cop partner knows of his friend's situation and faces the tough part of being loyal to him or turning him in for the rash of murders. Those in the know will recognize Goss from The Last Horror Movie, which was reviewed on this site a while ago. This is one B-Movie that raises itself above the pack and could have easily been a theater release. I give it ****1/2 out of *****.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

DVD Review: Cursed

Could this movie possibly be as bad as all the reviews said it was? I had to find out for myself. And for once, everybody was right. It's hard to find a topic that everyone can agree on, but everyone can agree that this movie sucks. I even watched the unrated version and it was lousy. I don't know what they could have possibly cut out because there was absolutely nothing in this movie. Not for nothing, but Joshua Jackson should have stayed in Dawson's Creek, I don't care if they're not filming it anymore, he should go back. He's terrible in this movie. And to make matters worse, the werewolf is the gayest looking creature in the world, it looks like it was created by Sigfreid and Roy! I don't want to waste any more time on this one, so I give it 0 out of *****. For those keeping count, that's three crappers in a row.

DVD Review: Memorial Day

As if watching Boogeyman wasn't bad enough, I then have to submit myself through this hunk of crapola. It's times like these I really wonder why I love this genre so much. For starters, you see on the cover, that guy that looks amazingly like Jason Voorhees? Yeah, he's not even in this movie, the killer here wears an ugly kabuki mask. Oh yeah, do you see that huge machete he's holding like Jason Voorhees? Yeah, it's not in the movie either. "But Dave, what IS in the movie?" I hear you asking. My answer would have to be "Oh, dear reader, there's ALOT in this here movie, ALOT of crappy acting by ALOT of ugly actors saying ALOT of crappy dialogue, so much so that it made me run to the bathroom ALOT of times!". Let's see if this plotline sounds familiar. Many years ago, a group of friends go camping at Memorial Lake, one girl brings her retarted brother. Suddenly, all the campers are too drunk to know and the boy DROWNS. Then, many years later, they return to the campground, albiet on the other side of the lake, and they start getting killed in terrible ways (I meant to say "terribly boring ways"). If you see this movie on your video store's shelf, run the other way! I mean it! This movie gets 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: Boogeyman

I'm not going to waste any time here, this movie flat out stunk. The acting was absolutely lousy, the Boogeyman was laughable, the plot was full of holes and the pacing was mediocre at best. The only thing good I can say about this film was it's use of sound, the 5.1 audio was good on this movie. The main character walked around in a stupor the entire movie, so much that I was getting nauseous just watching him mope with his eyes quivering half open. I also couldn't get it out of my head that he looked remarkably like a cross between Skeet Ulrich (Scream) and Jimmy Fallon (SNL, Taxi), call it silly but it made it hard to look at this guy. The rest of the cast must have been employed by the Ugly Actor Agency because there is some serious ugly going on in this film. The Boogeyman at the end of the film is ridiculous, a computer generated guy that never appears scary or believable. I find it very offensive as a horror lover to have to watch this garbage, especially when it comes from the creators of The Evil Dead! Very disappointing effort from the producers of the excellent The Grudge. The plot centers on a young man in his twenties who when young witnessed his dad being taken by the Boogeyman, and he returns to the house to face his demons and see if the Boogeyman is real. They made some good money with this film, I just pray there's not a sequel. I give the movie * out of *****. I wish it stayed in the closet!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Horror/SciFi DVD Releases for 6/21

The Jacket
Farscape: Starburst Edition 2.1 Volume 4
Gilgamesh Volume 1
The Outer Limits: Aliens Among Us
The Outer Limits: Death & Beyond
The Outer Limits: Fantastic Androids & Robots
The Outer Limits: Mutation & Transformation
Outer Limits: New Series Collection
Sleepover Nightmare

Well, we have Wes Craven's bomb, a ton of Outer Limit Discs, an Anime, some SciFi and a B-Film. Sleepover Nightmare is my pick of the week, like that should surprise you.

DVD Review: Seed of Chucky

After sitting through AvP, this movie came as a welcome relief. I consider Seed of Chucky to be the best in the series. There wasn't enough killing for me, but the story and acting were entertaining enough that it didn't matter. There are times that this movie is absolutely hilarious. The long lost child of Chucky and Tiffany's love comes home to reunite with it's parents. I call it "it" because it doesn't know if it's a boy or a girl. Chucky calls him Glen and Tiffany calls her Glenda. The two murderous dolls hatch a plan to impregnate Jennifer Tilly and then through black magic, switch souls so they can give up their doll bodies forever. Tilly is great throughout the movie, both playing herself and the voice of Tiffany. Brad Dourif once again lends his voice to the hilarious Chucky. This is one sequel that is worth watching, it's entertaining from start to finish. I have to give it ***** out of *****. There's really nothing bad about the whole thing!

DVD Review: Alien Vs. Predator

After the debacle of Freddy Vs. Jason, you'd think that the producers of AvP would have tried their damnedest to make a great movie featuring two of SciFi's greatest characters. Unfortunately, I don't think Hollywood really cares if people like the movie as long as they get crowds on opening weekend. What we have here is a film that could have been great but ends up being a disappointment. The new Predator outfits are lousy looking. They look huge and immobile, not like the catlike movements they had in the original. The Aliens are still cool looking though. The plot is totally stupid. Supposedly, the Predator's came here centuries ago and taught early humans technology and in return, we worshiped them. Then the Predators were using humans as hosts for their favorite hunt, the Aliens. After the Aliens over take the Predators, a failsafe destroys everything and it all goes into remission. Only after some human explorers happen to re-awaken the temple, the two baddies enter into war again. Totally stupid! There's even a Ripley wanna-be who couldn't hold Ripley's socks. Hopefully Hollywood never again tempts us with two great franchises going against each other because so far they're 0-2. I give it ** out of *****.