Audio Book Review: Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz

What happened to Dean Koontz? Years ago, he wrote some great horror novels, like Darkfall, Phantoms and Twilight Eyes to name a few of my favorites. For a while there I would pick up a new Koontz book rather than the latest King. Then, I don't know if he found religion or what, but he has recently (over his last 5 or 6 novels) started waxing philosophic about the wonders and beauty of life. I don't mean adding a moral to his story, but totally over-saturating it with his thoughts and beliefs. It drives me insane because he can come up with some great plot lines, but his narratives make me want to kill myself. Also, he could cut the word length by two hundred words if he just cut out his favorite word of all..."nevertheless". That word shows up at least a million times in his last few books. Which brings us to his latest and ultimately his worst novel ever, Life Expectancy. The plot centers around Jimmy Tock, master pastry chef, and his 5 dates of horror as predicted by his grandfather on his deathbed. I listened to the audio version of the book and the John Bedford Lloyd did not help the state of this crappy book. His voices for the characters were laughable and they weren't supposed to be, especially when he does the head aerialist Vigilio. Everything turned for the worst when Koontz removed his middle initial "R" from his name on his books. So please, Dean, put the "R" back, start writing horror again, leave the" life's great" stuff to Chopra, forget the word "nevertheless" exists, remember that people don't crack jokes when they are in life risking situations and we'll be back on good terms. I give this book * out of *****, it really is the worst book I've read (listened to) in about five years.

New Rejects Trailer!

A new trailer for Rob Zombie's upcoming The Devil's Rejects is now available for a glimpse. This is one movie I can't wait to see! Click the link to check it out, and don't forget the tasty fried chicken! It's just so damn good! Bok bok bokok bokbok bok bok!
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/thedevilsrejects.html

Movie of the Week: Dragonslayer

Although this movie was released in 1981, and the box office take was terrible, it managed to to something that besides Reign of Fire, hasn't been done since. Make a good dragon movie. Despite starring Peter MacNicol, this film shines as an epic fantasy and will always make my top ten fantasy movie list. Granted, the film does seem to plod along in some spots, but as a whole, given the technology at the time, the dragon rocks! When the dragon's chasing the hero out of it's lair, man it doesn't get any better than that! Can i get an Amen?! Like I said, many big budget films made since can't capture this movie's atmosphere nor create as cool a beast. The acting's not so hot here, but it can be forgiven because of the dragon...the dragon. My book of the week was a fantasy novel, so I decided on a fantasy movie to round out the week's picks. I give Dragonslayer **** out of *****.

Book of the Week: Darkwalker on Moonshae by Douglas Niles

This here book is the first one ever to be written under the Forgotten Realms title. This reprinted beauty has an introduction by R. A. Salvatore, and being that I'm a fan of his, I thought to give this one a try. I'm glad I did. Although it starts out a little slow (I even put it down after about 75 pages for a while), the second act picks up pace and slams it home with an action packed 300 pages. I can see how this book inspired Salvatore as both the action and character structures are very similiar. The land of the ffolk is being threatened when the balance of power shifts to the dark side and a great demon is released from the Darkwell. The Goddess must rouse her champions to fight it or risk domination. The demon takes the form of the Iron King and sends his northmen into war against the peaceful ffolk. Only the champions of good, led by an unwieldly hero carrying an ancient sword of heroes and his band defenders can save the land from destruction. Alot more happens in this book, but at the expense of time and space, that's the gist of it. A really good action yarn and I can't wait to get the second in the trilogy. I give it **** out of *****.

DVD Review: The Hazing

Every once in a while you come across a movie that shouldn't be considered good, but ultimately, it turns out to be ok. That happens to be the case with The Hazing. It starts out like any run of the mill B-movie with a group of twentysomethings being set on a treasure hunt for certain items and then they must spend the night in a haunted mansion, all to gain entry into their frat/sorority. The house is rigged by the frats/sors to appear haunted. One of the treasure hunt missions goes awry and Brad Dourif's character (who's very evil) gets critically injured. While he is in the hospital, his spirit wrecks havoc among the coeds at the mansion because they took his evil book. Yeah, I know you're wondering how this could have been passed over by the Oscars, but the film has some enjoyable moments. Dourif is extremely over the top and whoever gets possessed by his spirit acts accordingly. And the makeup on said actors is hilarious, I hope it was meant to be. All in all, not a barnburner but fun nonetheless. I'll give The Hazing *** out of *****.