Monday, September 04, 2006

DVD Review: The Tooth Fairy

There has never been a more true tagline in the history of cinema: "The Childhood Fairy Tale Becomes Your Worst Nightmare"! This movie was a nightmare. Whether it was from the convoluted plot, the crappy acting or the lousy directing, I'll never know. The story is about an old woman with a bad complexion, who as a child was constantly ridiculed by her peers, and the havoc she wreaks. She lures children to her wooded abode with the promises of goodies in exchange for their loose tooth. After she gets the tooth, the kid gets the axe! And the tooth goes in a box, along with the kid's soul. Now, it's many years later, and a new owner is changing the witch house into a bed and breakfast. All the painting and cleaning apparently awakens the old crow and she starts killing people. Oh yeah, did I mention the owner has a girlfiend with a little girl (who happens to have a loose tooth!) who also happens to be staying with him for a while. Throw in the stripper with a heart of gold, a love for birds, and a tender side ("He was going to be an electrical engineer...sob...sob") and we've got a potboiler! This tooth fairy movie makes Darkness Falls look like a masterpiece! Just like the real tooth fairy, pretend this film doesn't exist! It gums its way to 0 out of *****.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

DVD Review: Silent Hill

Without a doubt, Silent Hill should get an Oscar nomination for set design. The environment of this movie is phenomenal! I can't believe how similar everything looked compared to the game. Of course, for those not in the know, Silent Hill is based on the popular video game of the same name. When a couple's adopted daughter has sleepwalking dreams and keeps muttering "Silent Hill" in mid-slumber, Rose, the good mom that she is, decides to take the girl to the abandoned ghost town to try to help her with her illness. On the way there, she speeds away from a cop and gets into an accident, right on the fringe of...Silent Hill. Knocked out by the crash, Rose awakens to find her daughter missing. She then sets out through the wierd, shadowy town to try and find her. The atmosphere is as eerie as I've ever seen in a movie. The acting is very good and the effects are unbelievable. The directing is top-notch and the sound is incredible. There is not much bad to say about this movie. I really did thoroughly enjoy it. It's by far the creepiest American-made movie in years. Silent Hill screams out with ***** out of *****.