Saturday, December 24, 2005

DVD Review: Creep

We've all heard the stories, of people that live in the underground subway and sewer systems. Peolpe who haven't seen the light of day in decades, living in filth and squallor. That's the premise of this film, although it's just one man, not a colony. An unassuming young lady falls asleep while waiting for her subway and when she awakens, she finds that she's locked in the subway system for the night. Little does she know that she's not alone down there. It quickly turns into a cat-and-mouse game. While not as bad as some I've seen lately, Creep does have a bad habit of not explaining who this guy is and why he's down there. There's a photograph of him as a young boy with his doctor father, but that's about it. And then there's a doctor's office type of room in the subway system, it just didn't make any sense why. There were some good scenes in the movie and there were some tense moments, but the creep was seen way too much to be effectively scary. Oh yeah, can someone explain to me why, in scary movies, people stand in front of broken out windows with their back to the window? Or why when the bad guy gets knocked down, the heroine throws her weapon down and then runs away unarmed? Some things just drive you insane when you watch these things. Whether it's the writer's or the director's fault, I don't know, but it's enough to make me throw the remote! Creep get *** out of *****.

Friday, December 23, 2005

DVD Review: Cry_Wolf

I thought they were all wrong, all the other reviewers that skewered this movie. It couldn't be as bad as they say, could it? The trailer looked really good, I was excited to see for myself. Oh damn it! If this isn't THE worst film I've seen all year, it's at least in the top three. All the more so because this thing was a theatrical release with a ton of promotion behind it. It's films like this that cause the horror genre to slip off the theater release radar. Instead of being unrated it should have been rated "unwatchable". Boring, with characters you don't give a crap about, this is a stupid, pointless and unbearably bad piece of filmmaking. Not even the thespian stylings of one of this generations greatest actors (Jon Bon Jovi) could save it. Ha Ha, but really, the only way you'll not know what's going on is if you fall asleep during it, which is very plausible. A group of bratty college kids decide to play a prank on the rest of the school. A fake email is sent out describing a campus killer, what he's dressed in, when he'll strike, blah blah blah. Then it seems as if the email is true as the events start to happen. The filmmakers here are trying to make another Scream--without all the wit, killing, guesswork and scares that that classic had. Stay away from this movie! 0 out of *****!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

DVD Review: Santa's Slay

Just in time for the holidays, a new Christmas classic comes down the chimney. Starring ex-wrestler Bill Goldberg as the evil Santa, this movie never fails to entertain. The story goes, Satan once had a child, who he named Santa, and he was a demon of demons. Then, a thousand years ago, an angel took the form of a man and challenged Santa to a contest. The angel won and Santa was forced to be good and bring boys and girls toys for 1,000 years. Well, time is up and Santa's ready to make up for lost time! He creatively kills anyone that gets in his way all in tune to your favorite carols. It's up to a young man and his girlfriend to put an end to Santa's rampage. Can they do it? Do yourself a favor and see. There's also a little stop-motion piece ala Rudolph, that details the contest between Santa and the angel that's great. Not to mention the cameos, there's some surprisingly familiar faces in the opening scene. As if all that's not enough, the disc is filled to the brim with extras, you'd think this was a theatrical release, but it's not, it's better, it's Direct-to-DVD! I've got a new holiday film tradition. It gets ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Scarred

There were things I loved about this movie and there were things I hated about this movie. There were exciting parts where I was captivated and there were boring parts were I was falling asleep. Those are too many things to deal with in a horror movie! The movie is about a young girl who gets her face cut off by her drunken father and ends up being the local urban legend of the monster girl who takes pretty girls faces. A family of campers (who, trust me, you'll want to end up dead!) find out the truth when they come face to ugly face with the mean-ass girl. I haven't heard so much roaring from a woman since Ice Queen, sheesh! It's easy to see where the actress that plays the monster girl got her inspiration-with her rolling eyes and flailing arms she totally brings to life the Bumble from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but she don't bounce! Anyway, this is a middle of the road flick, something to watch when everything else is rented. I give it **1/2 out of *****.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Don't Stray...

More reviews are on they're way! On deck is the subterranean chiller Creep, the legend-come-to-life thriller Scarred, the independent award winner Stillwater, and a host of others I have to check out.

The nominees for The Daveys will be posted soon. There are a couple of good films coming out that could slip in at the last minute.

The December CD of the Month will be up today or tomorrow so you can run out and grab it for your favorite someone if you haven't finished your Christmas shopping by now.

Until then--Stay Scared!

Book Review: Straken by Terry Brooks

This is the third and final installment of Terry Brooks' High Druid of Shannara series. I have to admit that it was better than the previous two. Now, I liked both Jarka Ruus and Tanequil, but this one was much more action packed and not as slow moving as the others. Albiet, it is the finale, so it should pack a punch. The story picks up where Tanequil left off, with Pen trying to find his way into The Forbidding to save his aunt, Grianne, who used to be the evil Ilse Witch but is now the Ard Rhys of the Druid Order. She was banished there by a group of evil Druids. The fate of the world is at stake because with her banishment to the Forbidding, a demon was released from the Forbidding with plans to tear down the veil that stands between us and them. I would like to see Brooks take on something different than the Shannara series. His last venture was The Word and The Void series and that one was fresh and exciting. His neverending Ohmsford family in the Shannara series is getting a little stale and I think it would benefit both the fans and himself to take a break from it. Other than that, the book was good, just a little tiresome because of the "been there done that" feel to this series. I give it *** out of *****.