Movie Review: The Graves

Let me start off by saying I was really excited to see The Graves. After all, it stars Bill Moseley, Tony Todd and features a cameo by one of my favorite bands, Calabrese, so how bad can it be, right? Well, let's count the ways...

For starters, The Graves is way too long. It would have been great as a half-hour short story, but as an hour and a half film, it feels like director Brian Pulido just stretched it out like a friggin' Stretch Armstrong doll.

Next, the acting is really tough to watch here, with the exception of Shane Stevens (Jonah) and Tony Todd (Reverend Abraham). They were at least fun to watch. The two primary players, the Graves girls, played by Jillian Murray and Clare Grant, may have been easy on the eyes, but their acting was tough to sit through. There's one scene where Grant's character, Megan, is trying to escape from Bill Moseley; she crawls halfway up the hill and slides back down...not once, but three times! That scene is a perfect example of what it's like watching The Graves.

And speaking of Bill, I don't know what Rob Zombie did to Moseley to get him to act the way he did in the Devil's Rejects, but nobody has been able to tap into that well of genius ever since.

On a positive note, the film's music was pretty good. I loved the song that played over the opening credits, and I even liked the little ditty that played over and over and over again at the entrance to the Skull City mine (where all this takes place).

For me, The Graves was all over the place like an armadillo on an Arizona highway in July. By the end, I was getting antsy, praying for the credits to roll already. And that's no way to feel when watching a horror movie. I give The Graves * out of *****.