Wednesday, September 12, 2007

DVD Review: Vacancy

The title of this one says it all. Vacant is exactly the look you'll have on your face during the 85 minute crapfest that is Vacancy. The plot of this film is the only thing it has going for it, and it's pretty lame. As a quarrelsome couple begins to have car trouble, along a long, dark stretch of god-knows-where blacktop, they're forced to stop into a nicely lit gas station. The kindly gentleman there fixes (wink, wink) their car and it only goes about two miles before it dies for good (the same can't be said about the movie, aaarggh). As the insults fly, the couple heads back to the hotel right next to the gas station. While there, the shady innkeeper provides them with a gloomy room. The damn room looks like someone died in there. Ooops, someone did! Not only that, but our moronic leading duo, played by Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale discover that their room is actually used to make snuff films. They find out because video tapes are left in their room. Oh, the psychological terror! What happens next is neither exciting, thrilling or scary, but it did cause me to a bad case of gas (probably out of boredom). The stunning climax of this movie is one you'll never wish you saw coming and if Wilson's acting in the final ten minutes isn't some of the most over-the-top crappiness ever caught on celluloid then I'm a monkey's uncle. This film was appropriately directed by a guy with the first name, Nimrod. No joke. Vancancy fails to check in with only * out of *****. Run, don't walk away from this crappy big Hollywood piece of poop.

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