Monday, September 04, 2006

DVD Review: The Tooth Fairy

There has never been a more true tagline in the history of cinema: "The Childhood Fairy Tale Becomes Your Worst Nightmare"! This movie was a nightmare. Whether it was from the convoluted plot, the crappy acting or the lousy directing, I'll never know. The story is about an old woman with a bad complexion, who as a child was constantly ridiculed by her peers, and the havoc she wreaks. She lures children to her wooded abode with the promises of goodies in exchange for their loose tooth. After she gets the tooth, the kid gets the axe! And the tooth goes in a box, along with the kid's soul. Now, it's many years later, and a new owner is changing the witch house into a bed and breakfast. All the painting and cleaning apparently awakens the old crow and she starts killing people. Oh yeah, did I mention the owner has a girlfiend with a little girl (who happens to have a loose tooth!) who also happens to be staying with him for a while. Throw in the stripper with a heart of gold, a love for birds, and a tender side ("He was going to be an electrical engineer...sob...sob") and we've got a potboiler! This tooth fairy movie makes Darkness Falls look like a masterpiece! Just like the real tooth fairy, pretend this film doesn't exist! It gums its way to 0 out of *****.

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