Goodbye Jericho

In what was one of the dumbest moves by any network, CBS canceled their innovative and compelling show Jericho today. I am truly pissed off about this move. Why do we have to sit through endless hours of reality crap only to have one of the most original programs ever aired stolen from us at the heighth of its storyline. CBS can kiss my ass and from this moment, I vow NEVER to watch a CBS program again! That channel simply doesn't exist.

Oh, they have a new show about a vampire detective this fall, but why should anyone watch it? I'm sure they'll cancel it right after the episode airs that ends with the vampire leaning in for the bite.

Leslie Moonves, you can go stick your "edgy programming" up your sorry ass! It's apparent your parents named you Leslie because they couldn't tell if you were a boy or a girl, but you just proved to the world that you have no balls, so that's that!

Hey, what's next? CSI: Detroit? Surviving Pirate Island? How I Met Your Sister's Brother?

CBS, you're lame and you will always be at the bottom of the big three. As crappy as the CW and Fox are, at least they have faith in their shows and their viewers. They give the programs a chance.

That's it, I've had it. I've said my share, I've signed the petitions. TV will not be the same without Jericho. I only have one thing left to say:

Thank God HEROES isn't on fu**ing CBS!

DVD Review: The Hamiltons

Hopefully, the Hamiltons don't live next door to you. In this crafty little film from the Butcher Brothers, we have a family unit that's a little different from the Cleavers. After the death of their parents, the family is held together by the oldest sibling, David, or at least he trys to keep everything together. You see, the Hamiltons have a family secret and it happens to involve kidnapping, murder and other nasty habits. When the youngest son, Francis, starts doubting the family unit, life gets a little tough for the lad. As part of the After Dark Horrorfest, The Hamiltons is an intriguing tale of family loyalty and depravity. It is very well acted and directed, however, I can't say that it lived up to the Horrorfest hype as a terrifying movie. It was good, but not really that scary.This is the third Horrorfest film I've seen and so far that seems to be a trend - good, but not real scary. I have the remainder of the Horrorfest films to check out, so I can only hope one of them turns out to be a little scary. As for The Hamiltons, I give it ***1/2 out of *****.

Book Review: Ghoul by Brian Keene

Brian Keene's latest book is a coming of age tale with a ghoulish edge...and I liked it! But, let me tell you something. I have to admit, I would have loved this book even if the titluar Ghoul wasn't a part of it. The story of the three best friends, Timmy, Barry and Doug was so enthralling, I actually found myself wanting to rush past the Ghoul parts just to see what would happen to the boys next, and that's saying something! This is a story that hit home for me. It takes place in 1984, and I wasn't much older than the kids in the story at that time. It was like taking a trip back in time. Oddly enough, I found minor and major similarities between Timmy's life and my own and that's what drew me in to this story. The plotline is about the three boys, their somewhat dysfunctional families and a supernatural creature that eats the dead. It's the summer of '84 and the lives of the three boys will be forever changed. The social commentary Mr. Keene makes is both relevant and sobering and something you wouldn't expect from a quick read such as this, but it totally hits the mark - most times, adults are the real monsters. Just as he did with The Conqueror Worms, Brian Keene spins an entertaining and utterly enjoyable tale that leaves you in anticipation for his next novel. Ghoul digs up ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Penny Dreadful

Penny Dreadful is one of the films included in the After Dark Horrorfest, also called "8 Films to Die For." In the promo for 8 Films to Die For, we're told that these films are too intense, too gory and too sick to be viewed as a regular theatrical release. While there's really nothing too gory or sick with Penny Dreadful, it is intense. It's a very well-shot film that piles on the apprehension and anxiety. The film is effective because of #1-the directing and #2-the acting of Rachel Miner. Ms. Miner was fantastic in her role as the traumatized Penny. She had to be thoroughly exhausted at the end of each shoot. The film centers around the road trip of Penny and her therapist, Orianna. Penny is still traumatized over the death of her parents in a car accident when she was young. She has a fear of automobiles and the road trip is supposed to help her conquer her fear. Unfortunately, when their car hits a wierd hitchhiker, things go very, very bad. Overall, it wasn't the scarefest I was hoping for, but the intensity of the film made up for the lack of scares. Well directed, well acted and a pretty good film over-all, Penny Dreadful gets ***1/2 out of *****.

New Feature---Exclusive Interviews with Horror's Best!

This month, I'm adding a new feature called---10 Questions For...

This feature will give us a glimpse into the life and creation process of some of the genre's greatest and most talented artists. From award-winning authors to musicians leading the horror revolution, from brilliant artists to independent filmmakers. I'm going to do my best to get an interview per month.

This month's interview is with non-other than Jonathan Maberry, fresh off of winning his Bram Stoker Award for Best First Novel for his masterpiece Ghost Road Blues. I am truly honored for this busy writer to grant me some of his time.

Read on for 10 Questions For...Jonathan Maberry

10 Questions For...Jonathan Maberry

First off, I would like to congratulate Jonathan for winning the Bram Stoker Award for Best First Novel for his incredible book---Ghost Road Blues! If you haven’t read my review of it, you can check it out by clicking HERE. Now, without further delay, 10 questions for…The Bram Stoker Award Winning Novelist, Jonathan Maberry!

1.) Dave: What is your writing routine like?

Jonathan: I write for a living so I log a lot of hours. Mostly I work from home, so I’m usually up early and at my computer by around 7:30 and I write until 5. I usually take a 5 to 10 minute break each hour to exercise (stretch, move, etc.), and that keeps my mind fresh and reduces stress on my neck and shoulders.

I set myself a daily minimum of 4000 words for whichever project is currently on deadline. That’s usually half of my workday. The other half I’m working on research, marketing, or working on projects for my clients -book editing, manuscript analysis, etc.

I also try to spend a little time each day on message boards and MySpace. Those are great for meeting readers, fellow writers, experts for my research, and so on.

The day goes fast.

If I’m really pressed for a deadline then the whole day will be built around that project.

My agent has sold eight books for me over the last two years, only one of which was actually written at the time of sale...so I have a pretty hefty schedule. I love it though. It’s a great life.



2.) Dave: Ghost Road Blues is the first novel in a trilogy. Was a trilogy the original intention or did the scope of the story grow as you were writing it?

Jonathan: Well, originally I planned to write a very short novel about a psychotic tow-truck driver who thought that he was the avenging sword of God and that the local paperboy was the Anti-Christ; but that really grew in the telling and ultimately became a major subplot of the book. Once I realized that the story was about the town and all of its people then I realized that I couldn’t cram that into a single book. From that point on I plotted it out as a trilogy.

Even so, the story still grew in the telling. Minor characters emerged to become major players --the character of the town’s mayor, Terry Wolfe, is a perfect example—and some things I had intended to include got downplayed or cut entirely.

Novels are organic, and even though I do plot out my stories the books change as they grow.


3.) Dave: The characters in Ghost Road Blues are incredibly detailed. Do you create character outlines before you begin writing or do the characters come together during the writing process?

Jonathan: I have detailed character profiles of the major players and briefer character sketches of the supporting characters. This allows me to play with character nuance because I know far more about the characters than will be shown in the book.

I build characters out of bits and pieces of real people so that they have very familiar qualities to me which allows me to believe in them as I write. And there are a few of my own qualities, both good and bad, in several of the characters. Most notably Crow and Mike Sweeney.


4.) Dave: I love the way you add a certain song to a particular scene. It gives your story a very cinematic feel. Are the songs you choose personal favorites or are they chosen simply for the scene in general?

Jonathan: Ah, I do love the Blues! Actually I’m a huge music fan. I listen to music while I write and I used to sing with a few bands back in high school. I even did some musical theater.

The songs in the story are specially chosen. Each one offers a bit of a hint, or suggests a mood, for what’s happening in the book. Or about to happen.

I also had to bear in mind that any blues song played by the Bone Man, or referenced by him, has to have been recorded prior to 1976, which is when he died.

Crow listens to classic rock as well as Blues, and there is a shift in pace in the third book where the action amps up from the laid back pace of the blues to the harder and more urgent pace of rock. Crow even says (to Detective LaMastra): “This ain’t the blues no more...this is rock ‘n’ roll!”
I’ve had a lot of musicians contact me because of the book, and they really dig the music references. And a good friend of mine, A. L. Sirois, took the time and actually wrote a song called Ghost Road Blues, which had not really existed before I wrote the book. He did a hell of a good job with it, too.


5.) Dave: You have been writing for years, but this is your first published novel. Did you already have an agent or did you need one to get Ghost Road Blues published? If so, how did you find your agent?

Jonathan: I’ve been writing for about thirty years now, mostly nonfiction. I did a handful of short horror/humor stories twenty years ago and a couple of plays, but mostly nonfiction, and for most of those years I worked as my own agent. Never a really good move.

Then in late 2003 I landed a superb agent -Sara Crowe, who is currently with Harvey Klinger, Inc in New York. She’s smart and extremely savvy about the deal-making side of the business. I first approached her with a nonfiction project, but also pitched my fiction to her. She decided to represent both and in 2005 she sold Ghost Road Blues and its two sequels in April, and that may sold the nonfiction project, Vampire Universe. She’s since sold four more nonfiction books for me.

I found my agent by looking for the best ones I could find. Some writer friends had given me the advice of looking for a mid-level agent to try and break in that way, but that I hated that advice. So I started prowling bookstores and online resources to find out that names of agents who were working with key players. It’s important for authors to value their work highly and to shoot high.

I pitched to a bunch of top agents, got several go-aheads and went with the one I felt had the right smarts, savvy and personality. It was a good choice, too.


6.) Dave: How long did it take Ghost Road Blues to hit the shelves once it was completed, and what were your emotions during the publishing process?

Jonathan: I completed the book in February of 2005 and it was sold in April, bought by the second publisher who read it.

From that point it was almost exactly two years before it was on the shelf, debuting in June 2006. It takes a while to get a book from your hands into the hands of the readers.


7.) Dave: Dead Man’s Song is the second book in this trilogy and it is set for release on July 3rd. Is the final book already written, and can you give us an idea of what your next project will be?

Jonathan: Yep, Bad Moon Rising, the concluding book, is on my editor’s desk. Like Dead Man’s Song, it’s different than Ghost Road Blues. The first book is a chase story –the hunt for Karl Ruger. Dead Man’s Song is a mystery –Crow and his friends search for answers to what’s going on; and Bad Moon Rising is an action novel –and I do mean ‘action’.

Next up for me in terms of writing is another nonfiction book: Zombie CSU: The Forensic Science of the Living Dead. I’m interviewing actual crime scene investigators, cops, federal agents, scientists, and other experts to ask them how the crime detection infrastructure would handle a case that turned out to have supernatural elements. All in good fun, but these are real experts sharing theories and insights. I’m having a blast with that. I’m even getting to do some ride-alongs with police and spending a day with a SWAT team.

As far as my next fiction, I’m writing a bio-terrorism thriller that has a few spooky elements, but that’s kind of under wraps at the moment.



8.) Dave: Can you please tell us a little bit about your writing classes?

Jonathan: I teach a whole boatload of classes, some at writers’ conferences (Philadelphia Writers Conference, Backspace, PennWriters, etc.) and some at the Writers Corner USA –a writing center I co-own in Doylestown, PA.

My signature classes are ‘Write Your Novel in Nine Months’, ‘Write Your Nonfiction Book in Nine Months’, and ‘The Art of the Pitch’; but I also teach workshops on ‘Writing Fight and Action Scenes’, ‘The Nuts & Bolts of the Writing Business’, and others.

I do a lot of talks at libraries and bookstores, too. Mostly on how to break into the business. Writers groups often have me in to speak on various aspects of the writing life, which is always a lot of fun.

I also do a lot of career counseling for writers: helping them get their careers moving forward.



9.) Dave: Who inspires you?

Jonathan: That’s a complex question because so many people inspire me. I draw a lot of inspiration from my students –I love the honest determination and creative strength they bring to what they do. And I draw great personal inspiration from my son, Sam –who is always surprising and remarkable- and my wife, Sara, who approaches life with great joy and insight.

In terms of writers who have been inspirations for me, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some of my writing heroes. When I was a very young teenager I had the chance to meet Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, Richard Matheson and Sprague DeCamp. Each of them took a little time to talk with me about writing, about how to think things through, about how to liberate the creative forces. These were major moments in my life.

Of these, Bradbury and Matheson were the most significant influences. And I still have the signed books they gave me: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury, which I’ve read every Halloween since I was fourteen; and I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, which is probably the single most mind-altering book for me. That one made me stop reacting to stories and kick-started me into thinking my way through them. That’s huge for a kid who wants to write.

Stylistically the biggest influence on me has been Robert McCammon. His books Swan Song, Mystery Walk, Gone South and Boy’s Life each had a profound effect on me. Brilliant writing and gorgeous plotting.


10.) Dave: How did it feel to have your name called at the Bram Stoker Awards as the winner of Best First Novel for Ghost Road Blues?

Jonathan: I’m still in shock. You have to understand that the competition for that award was fierce. Really, really fierce. Each of the other three books, The Keeper by Sarah Langan, Bloodstone by Nate Kenyon, and The Harrowing by Alexandra Sokoloff are tremendous books. Books I read and thoroughly enjoyed, and by writers I like and respect. It’s not just lip service to say that just being nominated into that group was an honor. It truly was.

That said, when they called my name I was absolutely floored. I don’t think I have ever been at a loss for words before and when I got up to give my acceptance speech I’m pretty sure I just babbled.

I’ve got the award (it’s a statue of a haunted house) sitting on the shelf over my desk and I keep having to look at it to assure myself that it’s really there.




I would like to sincerely thank Jonathan for taking the time to answer my questions and wish him luck on his future creations. If you would like to learn more about this great storyteller, check out his websites http://www.ghostroadblues.com and http://www.jonathanmaberry.com, or if you want to see for yourself what it takes to win a Bram Stoker Award simply order the book right now by clicking HERE. You can also pre-order Dead Man’s Song, the second chapter in Jonathan’s amazing trilogy set for release on July 3rd, by clicking HERE.

DVD Review: Altered

Every so often a movie gets released that gets very little push behind it, yet it winds up being a killer movie. Last year we had Dead Birds and Satan's Little Helper. You didn't see any publicity about either of those films and you only found out about them when you noticed them on the shelves of your video store. Altered is another fine example of a good movie that had no publicity behind it, and it's a shame because this movie deserves a fan base. The story is about a group of friends who, at one time, were abducted by aliens. Ever since being returned, they each have their own troubles and emotional problems as a result. That is, until one night when they actually catch one of the nasty bastards. It's payback time! But sometimes, things just don't go as planned. Altered is very well acted and it's directed without a flaw. If I have to pick one thing bad about it, it was showing too much of the alien. When the alien was tied to the table, with the welder's mask on its head, man, that was eerie. But when we see the alien's face and body, it tends to take some of the effect away from the thing. Not that it wasn't an impressive piece of FX, it was just more effective when it wasn't directly seen. Other than that, the film is an atmospheric gem that has a claustrophobic subtlety about it. The tension builds and builds up to the end. All in all, a very satisfying film from beginning to end. Altered gets ****1/2 out of *****.

Congratulations Jonathan Maberry

Congrats to Jonathan Maberry for winning the Bram Stoker Award for his incredible debut novel Ghost Road Blues. The book certainly is deserving of its win in the Best First Novel category.

I absolutely loved the book and I'm so glad it won as it really was the best book I read last year. This year, we'll be picking the award-winning story back up as Dead Man's Song is released later this year. I, for one, can't wait!

You can find out more about this amazing new author by visiting his website Ghost Road Blues.

Book Review: The Shadow Killer by Matthew Scott Hansen

Anybody who knows me, knows that I love everything Bigfoot! I love watching documentaries, I constantly check bfro.net for sightings and reports, I dig watching Bigfoot movies (as you'll see with my upcoming review of Abominable) even if they're not too great. So you can imagine my eyes lighting up as I walked through my neighborhood Barnes and Noble Bookstore and I caught sight of this book. I have to admit, however, I was skeptical of the book because of the cover, but as the old adage goes, you can't judge. I literally flew through this book. There was a ton of action, suspense and good old fashioned gore! Matthew Scott Hansen has written a stellar debut that doesn't fail to deliver. Even with an ending you know is coming, you can't help but be swept into the action. The plot follows the drastic efforts of Ty Greenwood, a former software genius who is forever changed after his run-in with one of the legendary creatures. His life is in shambles and he is on the verge of losing his family and ending his life. It's not until people start disappearing that he begins to put two and two together. His life takes on a new frantic meaning as he sets out to prove the creature's existence. This is one fun rollercoaster ride of a novel! You can really get a sense of Hansen's love and appreciation of Bigfoot on every page. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for future novels written by this talented new writer. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Murder-Set-Pieces

Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of watching the "R" rated version of Nick Palumbo's supposed modern horror classic. While I haven't seen the unrated version everyone is fussing about, I do know that it's only 2 minutes longer than this version. I'll tell you right now, it needs more than 2 minutes to fix this thing up. As for the plot, basically the film looks into the mind of a sadistic serial killer. The killer is a neo-nazi photographer prowling the streets of Las Vegas for unsuspecting young women to become his next victims. I'm truly at a loss. There is sooo much buzz about this movie, but I just don't see why. The acting is atrocious and the direction is sub-par to say the least. I have half a mind to check out the unrated version to make sure, but I really don't know if I can sit through this entire movie again just to catch the two minutes that were cut. If I do, I'll post a re-review of the unrated version, but for the R version you can forget it. It sucks. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Saw 3

So, first we see the return of Leatherface and now we have the return of Jigsaw. Saw 3 picks up right where Saw 2 left off, and boy, are we treated to some nice gore in this one! Plenty of blood, guts and body parts to go around. Whereas TCM: The Beginning lacked originality, the Saw series continues to bring a high level of quality to it's films. Well made and acted, Saw 3 is a very good film overall. Nobody can bring a film together at the end like these guys. I just love the way all the clues to the film are exposed during the final moments. In the latest (not the last) film in the series, we find Jigsaw on his deathbed, his cancer taking its toll. His protege Amanda is trying her hardest to keep the game going but can she really match Jigsaw's purity in his work? This chapter starts out fast and keeps the blood dripping up until the very end. Another successful trip into Jigsaw's game. ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Platinum Dunes. Love them or hate them? True: They are one of the most prolific purveyors of horror in today's cinema houses. True: They bring classic favorites and update them for today's audience. True: These movies tend to suck! TCM The Beginning starts off well enough as we find out how the Hewitt clan came to be the loving, caring cannibals that we all adore. We see the birth of Leatherface, literally and figuratively. That's all well and good, but at the end of the day, this movie had nothing new to bring to the operating table. It seems the director had a fetish for bloody hands because that's really all the gore we get to see. It doesn't hold up to the TCM standards that the original set down. Even the original's remake was a better film than this one. While not totally terrible, I just feel that the franchise deserved better. I also didn't care for how the updated version of Leatherface has the body of a bodybuilder, that's not realistic to me. I would be more frightened by a big burly round guy that's seriously demented than an adonis in a face wrap. Oh yeah, and the ending is traditional Platinum Dunes absurdity. How in the world does a guy that size get in a small car without making a sound or making the car move? Thanks Platinum Dunes. Thanks for nothing. ** out of *****.

DVD Review: Live Feed

Cover looks pretty cool, huh? Too bad the movie doesn't live up to the cover. Oh, it's not all bad, as a matter of fact, there were a few scenes that were constructed really well, but as a result of extremely poor acting and lame characters, this film suffers. Live Feed follows a group of young Americans, vacationing in the Orient, who happen to make enemies with the local bad guy. A man so bad, that his acting looks inspired by the Chairman on Iron Chef, the Japanese version. It wouldn't have surprised me to see him whip out a yellow bell pepper and take a bite! Anyway, after being saved from certain death by a young oriental man, the group heads off to the local sex shop. Unwittingly, they fall into the hands of the Chairman from Iron Chef, the Japanese version, as the sex shop is his own personal entertainment spot. By entertainment, I mean kill zone. What we ultimately have here is a poor man's Hostel. While it's not terrible, it shouldn't be too hard to find something better at your local video store. Live Feed gets ** out of *****.

Book Review: 30 Days of Night-Rumours of the Undead by Steve Niles & Jeff Mariotte

The latest chapter of Steve Niles' wildly popular 30 Days of Night series comes in the form of this new paperback book. In this part, we find an FBI partnership gone sour when one of the duo gets turned into a vampire. As Andy Gray tries to determine what happened to his partner, he slips into a deep sea of despair, wallowing in liquor, cigarettes and his ex-partner's old lady. As you can imagine, that doesn't go over too well with his toothy pal. Believe me when I say payback's a bitch! Agent Gray heads back to where it all began--Barrow, Alaska--to try to figure things out and gather information needed to uncover the vampire society. The residents there are fully prepared for another vampire attack, but is Andy Gray prepared for the revelations that he will uncover? Niles and Mariotte have crafted a fine vampire tale with it's own share of terribly wonderful visualizations. While it's a little short on vampire action for my taste, it's still a quick read with a nice character driven story and let's face it, Niles has come up with the best vampire series since Stephen King wrote a little story about Jerulsalem's Lot. I give Rumours of the Undead **** out of *****.

DVD Review: See No Evil

See No Evil brings yet another WWE wrestler into the horror genre with The Big Red Machine, also known as Kane, starring in this slasher flick. I have to say, he's a perfect fit for this role. As Jacob Goodnight, Kane turns out as ruthless and violent a villain as I've seen in recent years. The way he smacks the one girl into the door frame as he's carrying her out of the room made my heart leap with joy. Finally a killer to be taken seriously! Kane's nearly wordless performance was spot on, even if everyone else in the film was annoying. The story follows a group of juveniles that have to clean up and repair an old hotel as part of their punishment. Unbenknownst to them, somebody is living in the dilapidated hotel. Oh yeah, it turns out the man in charge of the juveniles is none other than the old cop who lost his hand to Goodnight years prior. Yeah, it does sound silly, but believe me, it's fun to watch and you forget about the little annoyances when Kane's a-killin. A nice little slasher flick to warm up to on a chilly night with Kane more than making up for Triple H's disastrous role in Blade 3! I give See No Evil **** out of *****.

The Report of My Demise Has Been Greatly Exagerrated

Yes, faithful readers, I still live. (Some may weep joyous tears, while others I'm afraid to say may be raising their fists in the air while muttering "Curses!") I haven't been able to post any reviews in quite a stretch of time due to various job situations, but never fear, the reviews will be back starting tomorrow. A few that I have on tap are:

See No Evil

30 Days of Night: Rumours of the Undead by Steve Niles

Live Feed

Fears in the Water by The Vincent Black Shadow

and many more.

Stay tuned fiends, it's gonna be a bloody ride!

--D

DVD Review: Slither

Slither marks the directorial debut of James Gunn, the writer of the first Scooby Doo Movie as well as various Troma films and I must say, I really dug it! It's cleverly written, well acted and you just can't help but sit back and smile as the legion of slimy little creatures run amok, turning people into zombie-style abominations. This film is what every throwback to the old campy sci-fi films should be. The story starts with a meteorite landing in the woods outside a small town. A local guy happens to find the egg that was on board and he gets "infected". He, in turn, spreads the wealth while undergoing some physical changes. It's up to the newly elected police chief to stop the madness. The film stars Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Serenity) and he does a smack up job! The bonuses on the disc are great and numerous. If I could watch a film like Slither every Saturday night, boy wouldn't it be great! Thanks Mr. Gunn. ***** out of *****.

Book Review: Into The Fire by Richard Laymon

Richard Laymon writes the kind of fiction that would be sold at a fast food joint. You know it's not good for you but damn if it's not tasty! A guilty pleasure if there ever was one, Laymon's stories are filled with gratuitous sex and overflowing violence. Into the Fire continues the tradition. Laymon is the master at taking two totally seperate stories, each great in their own right, and forcing them upon each other into a climax of momentous proportions. In this novel, we have the story of a woman who gets abducted by a former high school stalker. She gets taken into the desert to become his plaything, but something happens along the way. In the other story, good boy Nathan gets unexpectedly teamed up with a crazy duo, turns to feral desires and a life of crime. As the two stories careen toward each other, much is learned about the players and their lives. Sex, blood and violence. Hey, it's all good! It's all Laymon. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Masters of Horror--Pick Me Up

I have a lot of catching up to do as far as these Masters of Horror episodes go, so here's another. Unfortunately, it's another foray into "horror's could have been". Coming from Larry Cohen, I was expecting a decent film. It was choppy at best. It's bad when you care more for the killer than the unassuming victim. The victim in this case is the ever crabby Fairuza Balk. Boy, does she ever not play a crabby bitch? Talk about getting pigeonholed! She has the terrible luck of becoming the prize in a duel between two serial killers. Michael Moriarty does a great job, in my opinion, of at least making his character somewhat memorable. You know you should never pick up a hitchhiker, and that goes for Pick Me Up too. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Masters of Horror--Imprint

Anyone who knows me knows that I truly admire Takashi Miike's work. I think he has an incredible vision and for the most part, has been one of our better directors in recent years. However, he does have a habit of falling prey to the WTF bug every once in a while. Imprint is unfortunately, one of those times. Originally banned from American broadcast, even on a pay-channel like Showtime, it finally makes it onto DVD. I was curious as to what could be so bad about it that it got banned. After watching it, I concluded that there's no way the American public would stand for this. It was atrocious! It was horrific! No, I'm not talking about the dead fetuses, I'm talking about Billy Drago's acting goddammit! Holy smokes, if you've never seen overacting before then you need to check this one out. The story is about Drago's character returning to the Orient to find the love of his life, who happens to work in a brothel. Too bad for Drago, she was realistically tortured and killed a while ago. As he learns the story from a disfigured concubine he reacts in very dramatic fashion. And then, the disfigured girl has a talking hand with buck-teeth come out of her head! I wish I was making it up, but I'm not. What started out as atmospheric and melodromatic quickly turns into a ridiculous foray into the surreal as lies are uncovered and the truth is revealed. I wouldn't have banned it because it was edgy, I would have banned it because it sucked. Imprint get * out of *****.