DVD Review: The Hamiltons

Hopefully, the Hamiltons don't live next door to you. In this crafty little film from the Butcher Brothers, we have a family unit that's a little different from the Cleavers. After the death of their parents, the family is held together by the oldest sibling, David, or at least he trys to keep everything together. You see, the Hamiltons have a family secret and it happens to involve kidnapping, murder and other nasty habits. When the youngest son, Francis, starts doubting the family unit, life gets a little tough for the lad. As part of the After Dark Horrorfest, The Hamiltons is an intriguing tale of family loyalty and depravity. It is very well acted and directed, however, I can't say that it lived up to the Horrorfest hype as a terrifying movie. It was good, but not really that scary.This is the third Horrorfest film I've seen and so far that seems to be a trend - good, but not real scary. I have the remainder of the Horrorfest films to check out, so I can only hope one of them turns out to be a little scary. As for The Hamiltons, I give it ***1/2 out of *****.

Book Review: Ghoul by Brian Keene

Brian Keene's latest book is a coming of age tale with a ghoulish edge...and I liked it! But, let me tell you something. I have to admit, I would have loved this book even if the titluar Ghoul wasn't a part of it. The story of the three best friends, Timmy, Barry and Doug was so enthralling, I actually found myself wanting to rush past the Ghoul parts just to see what would happen to the boys next, and that's saying something! This is a story that hit home for me. It takes place in 1984, and I wasn't much older than the kids in the story at that time. It was like taking a trip back in time. Oddly enough, I found minor and major similarities between Timmy's life and my own and that's what drew me in to this story. The plotline is about the three boys, their somewhat dysfunctional families and a supernatural creature that eats the dead. It's the summer of '84 and the lives of the three boys will be forever changed. The social commentary Mr. Keene makes is both relevant and sobering and something you wouldn't expect from a quick read such as this, but it totally hits the mark - most times, adults are the real monsters. Just as he did with The Conqueror Worms, Brian Keene spins an entertaining and utterly enjoyable tale that leaves you in anticipation for his next novel. Ghoul digs up ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Penny Dreadful

Penny Dreadful is one of the films included in the After Dark Horrorfest, also called "8 Films to Die For." In the promo for 8 Films to Die For, we're told that these films are too intense, too gory and too sick to be viewed as a regular theatrical release. While there's really nothing too gory or sick with Penny Dreadful, it is intense. It's a very well-shot film that piles on the apprehension and anxiety. The film is effective because of #1-the directing and #2-the acting of Rachel Miner. Ms. Miner was fantastic in her role as the traumatized Penny. She had to be thoroughly exhausted at the end of each shoot. The film centers around the road trip of Penny and her therapist, Orianna. Penny is still traumatized over the death of her parents in a car accident when she was young. She has a fear of automobiles and the road trip is supposed to help her conquer her fear. Unfortunately, when their car hits a wierd hitchhiker, things go very, very bad. Overall, it wasn't the scarefest I was hoping for, but the intensity of the film made up for the lack of scares. Well directed, well acted and a pretty good film over-all, Penny Dreadful gets ***1/2 out of *****.

New Feature---Exclusive Interviews with Horror's Best!

This month, I'm adding a new feature called---10 Questions For...

This feature will give us a glimpse into the life and creation process of some of the genre's greatest and most talented artists. From award-winning authors to musicians leading the horror revolution, from brilliant artists to independent filmmakers. I'm going to do my best to get an interview per month.

This month's interview is with non-other than Jonathan Maberry, fresh off of winning his Bram Stoker Award for Best First Novel for his masterpiece Ghost Road Blues. I am truly honored for this busy writer to grant me some of his time.

Read on for 10 Questions For...Jonathan Maberry

10 Questions For...Jonathan Maberry

First off, I would like to congratulate Jonathan for winning the Bram Stoker Award for Best First Novel for his incredible book---Ghost Road Blues! If you haven’t read my review of it, you can check it out by clicking HERE. Now, without further delay, 10 questions for…The Bram Stoker Award Winning Novelist, Jonathan Maberry!

1.) Dave: What is your writing routine like?

Jonathan: I write for a living so I log a lot of hours. Mostly I work from home, so I’m usually up early and at my computer by around 7:30 and I write until 5. I usually take a 5 to 10 minute break each hour to exercise (stretch, move, etc.), and that keeps my mind fresh and reduces stress on my neck and shoulders.

I set myself a daily minimum of 4000 words for whichever project is currently on deadline. That’s usually half of my workday. The other half I’m working on research, marketing, or working on projects for my clients -book editing, manuscript analysis, etc.

I also try to spend a little time each day on message boards and MySpace. Those are great for meeting readers, fellow writers, experts for my research, and so on.

The day goes fast.

If I’m really pressed for a deadline then the whole day will be built around that project.

My agent has sold eight books for me over the last two years, only one of which was actually written at the time of sale...so I have a pretty hefty schedule. I love it though. It’s a great life.



2.) Dave: Ghost Road Blues is the first novel in a trilogy. Was a trilogy the original intention or did the scope of the story grow as you were writing it?

Jonathan: Well, originally I planned to write a very short novel about a psychotic tow-truck driver who thought that he was the avenging sword of God and that the local paperboy was the Anti-Christ; but that really grew in the telling and ultimately became a major subplot of the book. Once I realized that the story was about the town and all of its people then I realized that I couldn’t cram that into a single book. From that point on I plotted it out as a trilogy.

Even so, the story still grew in the telling. Minor characters emerged to become major players --the character of the town’s mayor, Terry Wolfe, is a perfect example—and some things I had intended to include got downplayed or cut entirely.

Novels are organic, and even though I do plot out my stories the books change as they grow.


3.) Dave: The characters in Ghost Road Blues are incredibly detailed. Do you create character outlines before you begin writing or do the characters come together during the writing process?

Jonathan: I have detailed character profiles of the major players and briefer character sketches of the supporting characters. This allows me to play with character nuance because I know far more about the characters than will be shown in the book.

I build characters out of bits and pieces of real people so that they have very familiar qualities to me which allows me to believe in them as I write. And there are a few of my own qualities, both good and bad, in several of the characters. Most notably Crow and Mike Sweeney.


4.) Dave: I love the way you add a certain song to a particular scene. It gives your story a very cinematic feel. Are the songs you choose personal favorites or are they chosen simply for the scene in general?

Jonathan: Ah, I do love the Blues! Actually I’m a huge music fan. I listen to music while I write and I used to sing with a few bands back in high school. I even did some musical theater.

The songs in the story are specially chosen. Each one offers a bit of a hint, or suggests a mood, for what’s happening in the book. Or about to happen.

I also had to bear in mind that any blues song played by the Bone Man, or referenced by him, has to have been recorded prior to 1976, which is when he died.

Crow listens to classic rock as well as Blues, and there is a shift in pace in the third book where the action amps up from the laid back pace of the blues to the harder and more urgent pace of rock. Crow even says (to Detective LaMastra): “This ain’t the blues no more...this is rock ‘n’ roll!”
I’ve had a lot of musicians contact me because of the book, and they really dig the music references. And a good friend of mine, A. L. Sirois, took the time and actually wrote a song called Ghost Road Blues, which had not really existed before I wrote the book. He did a hell of a good job with it, too.


5.) Dave: You have been writing for years, but this is your first published novel. Did you already have an agent or did you need one to get Ghost Road Blues published? If so, how did you find your agent?

Jonathan: I’ve been writing for about thirty years now, mostly nonfiction. I did a handful of short horror/humor stories twenty years ago and a couple of plays, but mostly nonfiction, and for most of those years I worked as my own agent. Never a really good move.

Then in late 2003 I landed a superb agent -Sara Crowe, who is currently with Harvey Klinger, Inc in New York. She’s smart and extremely savvy about the deal-making side of the business. I first approached her with a nonfiction project, but also pitched my fiction to her. She decided to represent both and in 2005 she sold Ghost Road Blues and its two sequels in April, and that may sold the nonfiction project, Vampire Universe. She’s since sold four more nonfiction books for me.

I found my agent by looking for the best ones I could find. Some writer friends had given me the advice of looking for a mid-level agent to try and break in that way, but that I hated that advice. So I started prowling bookstores and online resources to find out that names of agents who were working with key players. It’s important for authors to value their work highly and to shoot high.

I pitched to a bunch of top agents, got several go-aheads and went with the one I felt had the right smarts, savvy and personality. It was a good choice, too.


6.) Dave: How long did it take Ghost Road Blues to hit the shelves once it was completed, and what were your emotions during the publishing process?

Jonathan: I completed the book in February of 2005 and it was sold in April, bought by the second publisher who read it.

From that point it was almost exactly two years before it was on the shelf, debuting in June 2006. It takes a while to get a book from your hands into the hands of the readers.


7.) Dave: Dead Man’s Song is the second book in this trilogy and it is set for release on July 3rd. Is the final book already written, and can you give us an idea of what your next project will be?

Jonathan: Yep, Bad Moon Rising, the concluding book, is on my editor’s desk. Like Dead Man’s Song, it’s different than Ghost Road Blues. The first book is a chase story –the hunt for Karl Ruger. Dead Man’s Song is a mystery –Crow and his friends search for answers to what’s going on; and Bad Moon Rising is an action novel –and I do mean ‘action’.

Next up for me in terms of writing is another nonfiction book: Zombie CSU: The Forensic Science of the Living Dead. I’m interviewing actual crime scene investigators, cops, federal agents, scientists, and other experts to ask them how the crime detection infrastructure would handle a case that turned out to have supernatural elements. All in good fun, but these are real experts sharing theories and insights. I’m having a blast with that. I’m even getting to do some ride-alongs with police and spending a day with a SWAT team.

As far as my next fiction, I’m writing a bio-terrorism thriller that has a few spooky elements, but that’s kind of under wraps at the moment.



8.) Dave: Can you please tell us a little bit about your writing classes?

Jonathan: I teach a whole boatload of classes, some at writers’ conferences (Philadelphia Writers Conference, Backspace, PennWriters, etc.) and some at the Writers Corner USA –a writing center I co-own in Doylestown, PA.

My signature classes are ‘Write Your Novel in Nine Months’, ‘Write Your Nonfiction Book in Nine Months’, and ‘The Art of the Pitch’; but I also teach workshops on ‘Writing Fight and Action Scenes’, ‘The Nuts & Bolts of the Writing Business’, and others.

I do a lot of talks at libraries and bookstores, too. Mostly on how to break into the business. Writers groups often have me in to speak on various aspects of the writing life, which is always a lot of fun.

I also do a lot of career counseling for writers: helping them get their careers moving forward.



9.) Dave: Who inspires you?

Jonathan: That’s a complex question because so many people inspire me. I draw a lot of inspiration from my students –I love the honest determination and creative strength they bring to what they do. And I draw great personal inspiration from my son, Sam –who is always surprising and remarkable- and my wife, Sara, who approaches life with great joy and insight.

In terms of writers who have been inspirations for me, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some of my writing heroes. When I was a very young teenager I had the chance to meet Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, Richard Matheson and Sprague DeCamp. Each of them took a little time to talk with me about writing, about how to think things through, about how to liberate the creative forces. These were major moments in my life.

Of these, Bradbury and Matheson were the most significant influences. And I still have the signed books they gave me: Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury, which I’ve read every Halloween since I was fourteen; and I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, which is probably the single most mind-altering book for me. That one made me stop reacting to stories and kick-started me into thinking my way through them. That’s huge for a kid who wants to write.

Stylistically the biggest influence on me has been Robert McCammon. His books Swan Song, Mystery Walk, Gone South and Boy’s Life each had a profound effect on me. Brilliant writing and gorgeous plotting.


10.) Dave: How did it feel to have your name called at the Bram Stoker Awards as the winner of Best First Novel for Ghost Road Blues?

Jonathan: I’m still in shock. You have to understand that the competition for that award was fierce. Really, really fierce. Each of the other three books, The Keeper by Sarah Langan, Bloodstone by Nate Kenyon, and The Harrowing by Alexandra Sokoloff are tremendous books. Books I read and thoroughly enjoyed, and by writers I like and respect. It’s not just lip service to say that just being nominated into that group was an honor. It truly was.

That said, when they called my name I was absolutely floored. I don’t think I have ever been at a loss for words before and when I got up to give my acceptance speech I’m pretty sure I just babbled.

I’ve got the award (it’s a statue of a haunted house) sitting on the shelf over my desk and I keep having to look at it to assure myself that it’s really there.




I would like to sincerely thank Jonathan for taking the time to answer my questions and wish him luck on his future creations. If you would like to learn more about this great storyteller, check out his websites http://www.ghostroadblues.com and http://www.jonathanmaberry.com, or if you want to see for yourself what it takes to win a Bram Stoker Award simply order the book right now by clicking HERE. You can also pre-order Dead Man’s Song, the second chapter in Jonathan’s amazing trilogy set for release on July 3rd, by clicking HERE.

DVD Review: Altered

Every so often a movie gets released that gets very little push behind it, yet it winds up being a killer movie. Last year we had Dead Birds and Satan's Little Helper. You didn't see any publicity about either of those films and you only found out about them when you noticed them on the shelves of your video store. Altered is another fine example of a good movie that had no publicity behind it, and it's a shame because this movie deserves a fan base. The story is about a group of friends who, at one time, were abducted by aliens. Ever since being returned, they each have their own troubles and emotional problems as a result. That is, until one night when they actually catch one of the nasty bastards. It's payback time! But sometimes, things just don't go as planned. Altered is very well acted and it's directed without a flaw. If I have to pick one thing bad about it, it was showing too much of the alien. When the alien was tied to the table, with the welder's mask on its head, man, that was eerie. But when we see the alien's face and body, it tends to take some of the effect away from the thing. Not that it wasn't an impressive piece of FX, it was just more effective when it wasn't directly seen. Other than that, the film is an atmospheric gem that has a claustrophobic subtlety about it. The tension builds and builds up to the end. All in all, a very satisfying film from beginning to end. Altered gets ****1/2 out of *****.

Congratulations Jonathan Maberry

Congrats to Jonathan Maberry for winning the Bram Stoker Award for his incredible debut novel Ghost Road Blues. The book certainly is deserving of its win in the Best First Novel category.

I absolutely loved the book and I'm so glad it won as it really was the best book I read last year. This year, we'll be picking the award-winning story back up as Dead Man's Song is released later this year. I, for one, can't wait!

You can find out more about this amazing new author by visiting his website Ghost Road Blues.

Book Review: The Shadow Killer by Matthew Scott Hansen

Anybody who knows me, knows that I love everything Bigfoot! I love watching documentaries, I constantly check bfro.net for sightings and reports, I dig watching Bigfoot movies (as you'll see with my upcoming review of Abominable) even if they're not too great. So you can imagine my eyes lighting up as I walked through my neighborhood Barnes and Noble Bookstore and I caught sight of this book. I have to admit, however, I was skeptical of the book because of the cover, but as the old adage goes, you can't judge. I literally flew through this book. There was a ton of action, suspense and good old fashioned gore! Matthew Scott Hansen has written a stellar debut that doesn't fail to deliver. Even with an ending you know is coming, you can't help but be swept into the action. The plot follows the drastic efforts of Ty Greenwood, a former software genius who is forever changed after his run-in with one of the legendary creatures. His life is in shambles and he is on the verge of losing his family and ending his life. It's not until people start disappearing that he begins to put two and two together. His life takes on a new frantic meaning as he sets out to prove the creature's existence. This is one fun rollercoaster ride of a novel! You can really get a sense of Hansen's love and appreciation of Bigfoot on every page. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for future novels written by this talented new writer. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Murder-Set-Pieces

Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of watching the "R" rated version of Nick Palumbo's supposed modern horror classic. While I haven't seen the unrated version everyone is fussing about, I do know that it's only 2 minutes longer than this version. I'll tell you right now, it needs more than 2 minutes to fix this thing up. As for the plot, basically the film looks into the mind of a sadistic serial killer. The killer is a neo-nazi photographer prowling the streets of Las Vegas for unsuspecting young women to become his next victims. I'm truly at a loss. There is sooo much buzz about this movie, but I just don't see why. The acting is atrocious and the direction is sub-par to say the least. I have half a mind to check out the unrated version to make sure, but I really don't know if I can sit through this entire movie again just to catch the two minutes that were cut. If I do, I'll post a re-review of the unrated version, but for the R version you can forget it. It sucks. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Saw 3

So, first we see the return of Leatherface and now we have the return of Jigsaw. Saw 3 picks up right where Saw 2 left off, and boy, are we treated to some nice gore in this one! Plenty of blood, guts and body parts to go around. Whereas TCM: The Beginning lacked originality, the Saw series continues to bring a high level of quality to it's films. Well made and acted, Saw 3 is a very good film overall. Nobody can bring a film together at the end like these guys. I just love the way all the clues to the film are exposed during the final moments. In the latest (not the last) film in the series, we find Jigsaw on his deathbed, his cancer taking its toll. His protege Amanda is trying her hardest to keep the game going but can she really match Jigsaw's purity in his work? This chapter starts out fast and keeps the blood dripping up until the very end. Another successful trip into Jigsaw's game. ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Platinum Dunes. Love them or hate them? True: They are one of the most prolific purveyors of horror in today's cinema houses. True: They bring classic favorites and update them for today's audience. True: These movies tend to suck! TCM The Beginning starts off well enough as we find out how the Hewitt clan came to be the loving, caring cannibals that we all adore. We see the birth of Leatherface, literally and figuratively. That's all well and good, but at the end of the day, this movie had nothing new to bring to the operating table. It seems the director had a fetish for bloody hands because that's really all the gore we get to see. It doesn't hold up to the TCM standards that the original set down. Even the original's remake was a better film than this one. While not totally terrible, I just feel that the franchise deserved better. I also didn't care for how the updated version of Leatherface has the body of a bodybuilder, that's not realistic to me. I would be more frightened by a big burly round guy that's seriously demented than an adonis in a face wrap. Oh yeah, and the ending is traditional Platinum Dunes absurdity. How in the world does a guy that size get in a small car without making a sound or making the car move? Thanks Platinum Dunes. Thanks for nothing. ** out of *****.

DVD Review: Live Feed

Cover looks pretty cool, huh? Too bad the movie doesn't live up to the cover. Oh, it's not all bad, as a matter of fact, there were a few scenes that were constructed really well, but as a result of extremely poor acting and lame characters, this film suffers. Live Feed follows a group of young Americans, vacationing in the Orient, who happen to make enemies with the local bad guy. A man so bad, that his acting looks inspired by the Chairman on Iron Chef, the Japanese version. It wouldn't have surprised me to see him whip out a yellow bell pepper and take a bite! Anyway, after being saved from certain death by a young oriental man, the group heads off to the local sex shop. Unwittingly, they fall into the hands of the Chairman from Iron Chef, the Japanese version, as the sex shop is his own personal entertainment spot. By entertainment, I mean kill zone. What we ultimately have here is a poor man's Hostel. While it's not terrible, it shouldn't be too hard to find something better at your local video store. Live Feed gets ** out of *****.

Book Review: 30 Days of Night-Rumours of the Undead by Steve Niles & Jeff Mariotte

The latest chapter of Steve Niles' wildly popular 30 Days of Night series comes in the form of this new paperback book. In this part, we find an FBI partnership gone sour when one of the duo gets turned into a vampire. As Andy Gray tries to determine what happened to his partner, he slips into a deep sea of despair, wallowing in liquor, cigarettes and his ex-partner's old lady. As you can imagine, that doesn't go over too well with his toothy pal. Believe me when I say payback's a bitch! Agent Gray heads back to where it all began--Barrow, Alaska--to try to figure things out and gather information needed to uncover the vampire society. The residents there are fully prepared for another vampire attack, but is Andy Gray prepared for the revelations that he will uncover? Niles and Mariotte have crafted a fine vampire tale with it's own share of terribly wonderful visualizations. While it's a little short on vampire action for my taste, it's still a quick read with a nice character driven story and let's face it, Niles has come up with the best vampire series since Stephen King wrote a little story about Jerulsalem's Lot. I give Rumours of the Undead **** out of *****.

DVD Review: See No Evil

See No Evil brings yet another WWE wrestler into the horror genre with The Big Red Machine, also known as Kane, starring in this slasher flick. I have to say, he's a perfect fit for this role. As Jacob Goodnight, Kane turns out as ruthless and violent a villain as I've seen in recent years. The way he smacks the one girl into the door frame as he's carrying her out of the room made my heart leap with joy. Finally a killer to be taken seriously! Kane's nearly wordless performance was spot on, even if everyone else in the film was annoying. The story follows a group of juveniles that have to clean up and repair an old hotel as part of their punishment. Unbenknownst to them, somebody is living in the dilapidated hotel. Oh yeah, it turns out the man in charge of the juveniles is none other than the old cop who lost his hand to Goodnight years prior. Yeah, it does sound silly, but believe me, it's fun to watch and you forget about the little annoyances when Kane's a-killin. A nice little slasher flick to warm up to on a chilly night with Kane more than making up for Triple H's disastrous role in Blade 3! I give See No Evil **** out of *****.

The Report of My Demise Has Been Greatly Exagerrated

Yes, faithful readers, I still live. (Some may weep joyous tears, while others I'm afraid to say may be raising their fists in the air while muttering "Curses!") I haven't been able to post any reviews in quite a stretch of time due to various job situations, but never fear, the reviews will be back starting tomorrow. A few that I have on tap are:

See No Evil

30 Days of Night: Rumours of the Undead by Steve Niles

Live Feed

Fears in the Water by The Vincent Black Shadow

and many more.

Stay tuned fiends, it's gonna be a bloody ride!

--D

DVD Review: Slither

Slither marks the directorial debut of James Gunn, the writer of the first Scooby Doo Movie as well as various Troma films and I must say, I really dug it! It's cleverly written, well acted and you just can't help but sit back and smile as the legion of slimy little creatures run amok, turning people into zombie-style abominations. This film is what every throwback to the old campy sci-fi films should be. The story starts with a meteorite landing in the woods outside a small town. A local guy happens to find the egg that was on board and he gets "infected". He, in turn, spreads the wealth while undergoing some physical changes. It's up to the newly elected police chief to stop the madness. The film stars Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Serenity) and he does a smack up job! The bonuses on the disc are great and numerous. If I could watch a film like Slither every Saturday night, boy wouldn't it be great! Thanks Mr. Gunn. ***** out of *****.

Book Review: Into The Fire by Richard Laymon

Richard Laymon writes the kind of fiction that would be sold at a fast food joint. You know it's not good for you but damn if it's not tasty! A guilty pleasure if there ever was one, Laymon's stories are filled with gratuitous sex and overflowing violence. Into the Fire continues the tradition. Laymon is the master at taking two totally seperate stories, each great in their own right, and forcing them upon each other into a climax of momentous proportions. In this novel, we have the story of a woman who gets abducted by a former high school stalker. She gets taken into the desert to become his plaything, but something happens along the way. In the other story, good boy Nathan gets unexpectedly teamed up with a crazy duo, turns to feral desires and a life of crime. As the two stories careen toward each other, much is learned about the players and their lives. Sex, blood and violence. Hey, it's all good! It's all Laymon. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Masters of Horror--Pick Me Up

I have a lot of catching up to do as far as these Masters of Horror episodes go, so here's another. Unfortunately, it's another foray into "horror's could have been". Coming from Larry Cohen, I was expecting a decent film. It was choppy at best. It's bad when you care more for the killer than the unassuming victim. The victim in this case is the ever crabby Fairuza Balk. Boy, does she ever not play a crabby bitch? Talk about getting pigeonholed! She has the terrible luck of becoming the prize in a duel between two serial killers. Michael Moriarty does a great job, in my opinion, of at least making his character somewhat memorable. You know you should never pick up a hitchhiker, and that goes for Pick Me Up too. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Masters of Horror--Imprint

Anyone who knows me knows that I truly admire Takashi Miike's work. I think he has an incredible vision and for the most part, has been one of our better directors in recent years. However, he does have a habit of falling prey to the WTF bug every once in a while. Imprint is unfortunately, one of those times. Originally banned from American broadcast, even on a pay-channel like Showtime, it finally makes it onto DVD. I was curious as to what could be so bad about it that it got banned. After watching it, I concluded that there's no way the American public would stand for this. It was atrocious! It was horrific! No, I'm not talking about the dead fetuses, I'm talking about Billy Drago's acting goddammit! Holy smokes, if you've never seen overacting before then you need to check this one out. The story is about Drago's character returning to the Orient to find the love of his life, who happens to work in a brothel. Too bad for Drago, she was realistically tortured and killed a while ago. As he learns the story from a disfigured concubine he reacts in very dramatic fashion. And then, the disfigured girl has a talking hand with buck-teeth come out of her head! I wish I was making it up, but I'm not. What started out as atmospheric and melodromatic quickly turns into a ridiculous foray into the surreal as lies are uncovered and the truth is revealed. I wouldn't have banned it because it was edgy, I would have banned it because it sucked. Imprint get * out of *****.

DVD Review: Dark Reality

The creators of Dark Reality not only made a movie, but they tapped into a medical phenomenon. They discovered the cure for insomnia! This is possibly the most boring film I've ever had the displeasure of watching. There is no plot, there is no story, the guy on the box cover isn't even in the film! If you've never listened to my reviews in the past, do so now! This is a major crapper. The film is about a few women who get abducted, tortured and held captive by an unknown man. That's it. There's no mystery as to who the guy is, why these particular girls, no cop on the trail, no nothing. The only mystery I can find is...why am I watching this crap?! The film quality is terrible. It's grainier than a bag of whole-wheat bread! Plus, all the close-ups and over-the-cheek shots are enough to send you over the edge. The Reality of this situation certainly is Dark! 0 out of *****. I would give it negative points if I could!

DVD Review: Feast

The Project Greenlight horrorfest finally makes it to the masses, and the verdict is....um, not too bad. The writing was creative and I really liked the way the movie kicked off. It was original and I really dug it. The acting was over-the-top good, especially from Henry Rollins, who plays a self-motivating guru. The creature makeup was good when they finally shed their stupid looking costumes, I wish they would have left the furs and stuff off them the entire time, they looked goofy in them. The monster fighting scenes were filmed in that now-familiar shaking mode that's supposed to lend an air of frantic desperation. Unfortunately, I don't remember ever hearing anything about who or what these creatures are or where they came from. Maybe it'll be uncovered in the sure-to-be-sequel. Basically the movie's about a group of people in a dusty old desert bar, who get attacked by blood and sex-starved monsters. There's tons of blood and guts and all that good stuff. Overall, Feast is a fun ride, not to be taken seriously, but with a few minor slips. It get *** out of *****.

DVD Review: Halloween Night

OOOOOOOOO...Scaaaaarrrryyyyy. It's Halloween and when better to check out Halloween Night written by Fangoria's very own Michael Gingold. Gee, I wonder how they'll review this one, because let's face it, it's not too good. It says it's based on a true story. If it is, then real life really is stranger than fiction because there is a lot of people getting killed in this movie. It's actually one of the better things about it, all the killing. The problem is, is that the killing is lackluster and not much creativity went into the scenes. There was no buildup of tension, the acting was herky-jerky and it was just bland. It's like getting an ice cream cone filled with colorful scoops of ice cream and finding out it's all vanilla. Some of the characters were downright annoying and the guy that played the cop should never act again! Ok, so apparently. back in 1982, a guy escaped from a mental institution and killed a bunch of people in his former house, sound familiar? Unfortunately, Halloween Night couldn't be scary even after eating half a bag of candy from tonight's activities. What's next, The Afternoon of Friday the 13th? Sheesh! * out of *****.

DVD Review: Rest Stop

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! I so wanted this to be what it looked like! The previews looked so good! Alas, another drape of wool over my eyes. This was a weak, boring and non-sensible entry into the serial killer genre. If there was less blood, language and skin (not that there was much of any to begin with), it could be a Lifetime movie of the week. Where did the girl in the skirt on the cover come from? The girl in the movie had jeans on! It's stupid little things like that, all through the movie, that you notice. Oh yeah, and if it wasn't bad enough, it had Joey Lawrence in it. I kept waiting for him to say "Woah" as he proved why he hasn't worked in years. The main actress was annoying and the way her character acted was insipid. The plot goes like this--A girl and her boyfriend leave Texas for the bright lights of Hollywood. Along the way, they are tormented by a guy in a yellow truck. They stop at a rest stop and end up at the wrong end of this guy's furor. There are goofy "imagination" sequences, stupid dialogue and lousy acting by everyone included. The ending can be seen coming a mile away. The multiple endings included on the disc show that the lousy, overly-used ending was actually the best one of the crappy lot! Lucky us. Pass this Rest Stop, keep driving, run out of gas if you have to! * out of *****.

DVD Review: The Pumpkin Karver

It's that time of year again. When a rash of Halloween themed movies head straight to DVD to try to make some quick cash. Which one will be this year's Satan's Little Helper? It won't be The Pumpkin Karver, but don't let that stop you from checking it out. This film has potential, but it just didn't make the most out of the premise. First off is the young man who is the central character. Is he mentally challenged or not? Why does his sister have to stay with him on Halloween night when they're both like 20 years old? I was just wondering, in a movie like this, some detail would be nice. That being said, it wasn't a terrible slasher film, maybe a little tame for my standards since all the carving was done off screen, but the old man's performance is worth watching. His gritty performance as a crazy old coot is simply great. The two stoner dudes I just couldn't take though. Their comic relief was neither comical nor a relief. I also had a problem with the fact that with all those kids at the Halloween party, only a few get killed and you never see what happens to all the rest of them. Do they continue to party on? Do they go home? I'm a sucker for Halloween themed slashers but there are too many questions left unanswered with this one. A slasher movie doesn't need to be this stupid. They can be well thought out at times. Call this "the little slasher that almost did". It carves a ** out of *****. Oh, yeah, that face on the box cover, that's not the Pumpkin Karver, I don't know who that is, he's not in the movie, but he's creepier looking than the killer and should have been in it!

DVD Review: Hillside Cannibals

Was the Hills Have Eyes remake so popular that it needs this many low budget rip offs? Hillside Cannibals is actually more in the vein of Jack Ketchum's novel Off Season, but without everything that made that novel so great. This is a rather boring foray into the cannibalistic hill dwellers genre. A "family" of cannibals reside in the hills of a desert out in the middle of nowhere and they feast on anyone who gets too close to their lair. With more grunting and hooting than what's heard at the local zoo, for some reason the actors were told to act like monkeys. Monkeys aren't cannibals. Maybe it was their take on a caveman. Cavemen weren't cannibals either. I don't know, but it made for an irritating movie experience. Don't head into these hills. * out of *****.

Book Review: Ghost Road Blues by Jonathan Maberry

Damn you Maberry, damn you I say! If I were to write a novel, this is exactly the type of story I'd tell! Thank you Maberry, thank you I say because you actually wrote it and it kicks serious ass!! This is the best book I've read this year, hands and goat hooves down! This story has it all. Evil murderers, blues-playing ghosts, tow-truck drivers trying to run down kids, and a creepy feeling town to boot! I want to move to Pine Deep, even though my life would be on the line, that's my kind of town. This book is poetic, a beautiful story woven from delicate strands of gristle and fiber. The first in a trilogy, Maberry has started something that I hope he can keep up with. The book is flawless, from the opening page to the last. Buy and read this book NOW! It's the perfect time with Halloween right around the corner and autumn coming on strong. I'm not even going to try to explain the plot, it's too delicious and I don't want to do it a disfavor. You're a good man Mr. Maberry, keep up the great work! ***** out of *****. You've gotta let me know when Dead Man's Song comes out bro! I'll be the first in line.

DVD Review: Stay Alive

Here comes another PG-13 movie released on DVD in a special unrated version, that closely resembles a PG-13 movie! When Stay Alive was released in theaters, a few review sites (some that I rather admire) claimed that although it was PG-13, there was a lot of blood and some nice death scenes. They must have been enjoying some magical popcorn when they watched it. It is what it is--a PG-13 horror movie. Even so, I had high hopes after the opening. It was original and creepy and had the feel of a Japanese horror film. Sadly, the rest of the movie sucked. The premise is that the spirit of an evil lady is released when a certain poem is read aloud at the beginning of an underground video game. If your character in the game dies, then so do you, in real life. Lousy acting, and some of the dumbest police characters I've ever seen on film do not help. Stay Alive never should have been born in the first place! * out of *****.

DVD Review: Hard Candy

This is a brilliant movie. It makes you think about it long after the show's over. The acting is incredible and the direction is first-rate. The people behind this movie really thought this through, understanding that the viewer is going to question their very own point of view after watching this. I, for one, thought it ended brilliantly! Find out what happens when a 30-something man meets up with a 14 year old after an internet chat session. It's not Dateline, and there's no Chris Hanson! Amazingly subtle, yet poignantly powerful, this is a classic film that every member of society should watch. This should be Oscar-nominated, but the Hollywood machine can't get it's mind around filmmaking this good, so I'm sure some period piece on an English Queen will get the nod instead. Watch this film! I was riveted to my seat. ***** out of *****.

CD Review: A Matter of Life and Death by Iron Maiden

This was hard to come by. Not the CD, the review. I had mixed feelings when I heard the album for the first time. I thought it was a little boring, a shadow of what Maiden used to be. Then, the more I listened to it, the better it sounded. Turns out I actually like the album, although it's still a shadow of what Maiden used to be. Call this the "new era of Iron Maiden". It started with Brave New World and continues here. Most of the songs start off with that soft bass line that is so familiar to Maiden songs and then they pick up tempo. Here's the tracklist:

1. Different World
2. These Colours Don't Run
3. Brighter Than A Thousand Suns
4. Pilgrim
5. Longest Day
6. Out of The Shadows
7. Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg
8. For The Greater Good of God
9. Lord of Light
10. Legacy

As you can see, the songs are patriotic in theme as Iron Maiden is making their comment on modern society. Like I said, it's a good album, certainly not Maiden's finest, but it nice to see the old geezers still pumping out some very good music. Newer bands will never have the longetivity of the classic forefathers of rock, like Maiden, Priest, Kiss, and AC/DC!!! I give this latest Maiden disc ***1/2 out of *****.

Book Review: The Book of the Dead by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

I absolutely love the Agent Pendergast novels. Full of action, intrigue, twists and turns, I'm telling you those books are great! That's why this is so hard. This latest journey with Pendergast isn't as fun or exciting as past visits. The thing is, is if you're a fan, you have to read this book. There are a lot of things that happen that are very important to the series in Book of the Dead. We find out more about Diogenes, the Pendergast family, and even Constance. When we last left the eccentric agent, he was locked away in Herkmoor prison, framed by his evil brother Diogenes, for the murders of many prominent people. Diogenes is on the loose plotting his ultimate crime. Lt. D'Agosta and the strange Eli Glinn collaborate on a plan to get Pendergast out of prison. The setting is again the New York Museum and focuses on the re-opening of the cursed Tomb of Senef. The same familiar faces are back in the fold, and by now you'd think they'd close the museum down after everything that's happened there! It's a delicately written, carefully constructed story that has a tendency to plod along at times, and the ending sets up an encore. The past two novels were better in my opinion, but as I said, a lot of important things are exposed in this one, so if you're a fan, read it! Overall, I give The Book of the Dead *** out of *****.

DVD Review: Dark Fields

I'm convinced that the artists responsible for cover art should be more involved with the actual film. This is yet another prime example of a DVD cover that is way better then the film. A group of teens get a ride from the pimply-faced school nerd to the big concert, unfortunately, nobody really knows how to get there and they run out of gas. They coast to a stop right by a big old scary house! Never mind the fact that there are tail lights from passing cars about 25 yards from where they are, they're STRANDED! The pimply-faced nerd goes to see if the scary house has gas, where he meets his demise, I guess, they never really say, but later, the others do find a drop of blood. Seems there's a killer on the loose. Just so happens he has a vendetta against gas thieves. I'm serious, that's his M.O., gas thieves. Never mind the fact that the pimple boy left him $10 and wasn't stealing gas, maybe the Gene Simmons wig the killer seems to be wearing obstructs his vision. I don't know, this film has some laughable scenes, whether or not they were intended to be funny is another matter. This is just a mindless film, with some mildly funny spots, and if not taken too seriously isn't too bad. I give Dark Fields ** out of *****.

DVD Review: Are You Scared

Five seconds into this film and you're thinking "This is just like Saw!". Yeah, it is just like Saw. A group of young adults each wake up in a desolate, abandoned warehouse. It seems that at one time, they all applied to be on a new reality TV show called "Are You Scared?". The Jigsaw-like voice explains to them the rules of the game. One by one, they each have to head off to face their fear, and needless to say, they usually don't win. If Saw had never come out, this would have been a decent film, but now it just seems to be a copycat. There were a few scenes that were worth the price of admission, however. Unfortunately, the contestants were kind of irritating, and I figured out what the "twist" was to this one about 20 minutes into the film. Having said all that, it's still better than some of the crappers out there. I would recommend it on a night when there's nothing on, and Saw 2 is already rented. I give it **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Satan's Playground

I have mixed feelings about Satan's Playground. On one hand, the entire story is riddled with holes and there are times you feel like turning it off. On the other hand, it has a sort of tongue in cheek quality to it that forces you to smile and keeps your finger off the stop button. The story takes place in Satan's actual playground, which is New Jersey, for those of you who don't live here. No, it really takes place in the Pine Barrens of NJ, and for once I'm glad they actually filmed here and didn't try to pretend the lush forests of Canada are the Pine Barrens. I'd recognize that sandy soil and those twisted, gnarly tree limbs anywhere! As for the actors, it feels like the casting director picked up a few people from a turnpike rest stop to play the roles, except for Mrs. Leeds, she was great. The story deals with a family driving to God-knows-where, through the Pine Barrens. Their car breaks down, and they find an old house in the woods. Things go awry from there as crazy sociopaths, satan worshippers, and the Jersey Devil all come together to wreak havoc on the family. That's one mean strech of Pine Barrens real estate! Dante Tomaselli directed this film and after watching the interview with him on the disc, I have to say I thought more of the film than I previously did. He has talent that is still on the fringes of being released, and when it does, he'll be more than just a good director with a great sounding name. He's definitely one to keep an eye out for. Satan plays with **1/2 out of *****.

CD Review: Fang Bang by Wednesday 13

Whoever said that Marilyn Manson was this generation's Alice Cooper has obviously not heard Wednesday 13. This dude knows how to write 'em down, dirty, bloody, and yeah, a little fun too. Fang Bang is the highly awaited sequel to Transylvania 90210 and if put in movie terms, Fang Bang would be The Empire Strikes Back compared to 90210's A New Hope. Yeah, it's that good. Here's the set list and with track names like these, how can they be bad?:
1.) Morgue Than Words--A great rocking tune to open the record with.

2.) American Werewolves in London--If you don't find yourself singing to this, you're dead.

3.) My Home Sweet Homicide--A great track with a great video. Should see heavy MTV rotation.

4.) Faith In The Devil--Profanity laden goodness.

5.) Happily Ever Cadaver--This generation's Cold Ethyl.

6.) Curse of Me--Perhaps the best track? Definitely the most well constructed.

7.) Haddonfield--An ode to Michael Myers. If it doesn't show up in Rob Zombie's remake, there's no justice in this world.

8.) Too Much Blood--A frenzied, fist-pumping rager.

9.) Till Death Do Us Party--An ode to Jason Voorhees. If it doesn't show up in the next Friday the 13th flick, there's no justice in this world.

10.) Buried With Children--Made for the mosh pit.

11.) Kill You Before You Kill Me--The title explains it all!

12.) Die Sci-Fi--This tune rocks! It has a more mature sound than the others.

13.) Burn The Flames--If this track doesn't remind you of vintage Alice, yeah, you're dead.

This CD kicks total ASS!!! This album progresses on everthing he's done since Murderdolls and Frankenstein Drag Queens. All hail the next incarnation of Alice with a brutal twist. ***** out of *****!! Pick this album up TODAY!

DVD Review: The Tooth Fairy

There has never been a more true tagline in the history of cinema: "The Childhood Fairy Tale Becomes Your Worst Nightmare"! This movie was a nightmare. Whether it was from the convoluted plot, the crappy acting or the lousy directing, I'll never know. The story is about an old woman with a bad complexion, who as a child was constantly ridiculed by her peers, and the havoc she wreaks. She lures children to her wooded abode with the promises of goodies in exchange for their loose tooth. After she gets the tooth, the kid gets the axe! And the tooth goes in a box, along with the kid's soul. Now, it's many years later, and a new owner is changing the witch house into a bed and breakfast. All the painting and cleaning apparently awakens the old crow and she starts killing people. Oh yeah, did I mention the owner has a girlfiend with a little girl (who happens to have a loose tooth!) who also happens to be staying with him for a while. Throw in the stripper with a heart of gold, a love for birds, and a tender side ("He was going to be an electrical engineer...sob...sob") and we've got a potboiler! This tooth fairy movie makes Darkness Falls look like a masterpiece! Just like the real tooth fairy, pretend this film doesn't exist! It gums its way to 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: Silent Hill

Without a doubt, Silent Hill should get an Oscar nomination for set design. The environment of this movie is phenomenal! I can't believe how similar everything looked compared to the game. Of course, for those not in the know, Silent Hill is based on the popular video game of the same name. When a couple's adopted daughter has sleepwalking dreams and keeps muttering "Silent Hill" in mid-slumber, Rose, the good mom that she is, decides to take the girl to the abandoned ghost town to try to help her with her illness. On the way there, she speeds away from a cop and gets into an accident, right on the fringe of...Silent Hill. Knocked out by the crash, Rose awakens to find her daughter missing. She then sets out through the wierd, shadowy town to try and find her. The atmosphere is as eerie as I've ever seen in a movie. The acting is very good and the effects are unbelievable. The directing is top-notch and the sound is incredible. There is not much bad to say about this movie. I really did thoroughly enjoy it. It's by far the creepiest American-made movie in years. Silent Hill screams out with ***** out of *****.

DVD Review: Night Watch

This movie is brilliant! The first in a trilogy, Night Watch tells the tale of a world in which vampires and witches and other nasties walk among us. Centuries before, the battle between the forces of light and the forces of dark raged on and eventually came to a standstill. A pact was formed to lend balance to the land. Thus the Night Watch and the Day Watch were formed. The Night Watch is a group of people, who have supernatural powers, that watch over the legions of the dark and ensure they don't get too out of control. They even issue licenses for the dark ones to legally do their bad deeds. The dark ones are fed up with the control issues and some act out. Every time an Other is found, the two forces each try to get him to join their faction. This synopsis doesn't do this movie justice. This is a kick-ass, visually beautiful film with an engaging storyline. It's hard to believe this Russian filmed epic was made for about 4 million dollars. If it was made in America, it would have cost at least 100 million to get these kinds of visuals. I don't know why, I just know it doesn't make sense. Expertly directed, this was a joy to watch, and now I can't wait for the sequel called Day Watch. My only beef is, I wish the subtitles were below the picture, in the black letterbox frame. With the words in the picture, it was a little hard to get used to, but eventually you enter the movie and you forget about it. This is another disc that really sounds as good as it looks. The soundtrack is absolutely fantastic. Night Watch gets ***** out of *****.

DVD Review: Zombie Honeymoon

I thought this was supposed to be a comedy, but it wasn't. It was a heartfelt tragic story of newlyweds and their horrific honeymoon at the Jersey shore. Yeah, honeymooning at the Jersey shore is tragic and horrific, but that's not the worst of it. After spending a blissful day of loving and laughing, our doomed pair head to the beach for a bit of surf and relaxation, with a little infection thrown in. After a chance encounter at the beach, Danny is pronounced dead at the hospital, only to come back to life on his own later. Thinking they narrowly missed a disaster, the couple continue to love life and plan to escape to Portugal. There's only one problem. Danny's not the same since he came back to life. He's found his once vegetarian lifestyle to be slowing him down. Now, he's a meat man, as in flesh, yo! What's a loving wife to do? This movie tugs at the heartstrings like no other zombie flick I've seen. Brilliantly acted and directed, this is a very good movie. Plus, it has it's share of gore for being such a love story! This is truly an original and fresh view of the undead, and those who love them. It has a great soundtrack to boot! This honeymoon suite gets ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

No, No, No, No, NO!!! Don't tell me I just saw what I thought I saw!! Ridiculous! Insane! Incomprehensible! Unreproachable! What they just did with this series is way worse than having Brandy star in the second one. I cannot believe they went this way with it. I'm dumbfounded and dare I say it, a little insulted. Near enough to the original to warrant plagarism, this third chapter in the series even has characters nearly identical to the first one. Much of the dialogue sounds stolen from it too. "We take this to our grave! Say it, Say it!!". I'll say it! "If anyone asks me if I saw this movie, I'll deny it! I'll take it my grave!!" There, that's better. Forget the cozy seaside port town, where the fisherman makes sense. This one takes place in Colorado, now what's a fisherman doing way out there? You wouldn't believe it even if I told you. It's time we start forgetting what happened last summer and let bygones be bygones! 0 out of *****.

Book Review: The Conqueror Worms by Brian Keene

With cover art like this, I was very wary about spending my precious free time reading a crapper. Luckily, it turns out the joke was on me. This was one of the best books I've read in quite a while. An extremely quick read, The Conqueror Worms is filled with action and gore. Surprisingly, it's a rather touching emotional ride though armageddon. I can't help but think that Brian Keene has touched on the way it really will end. In an endless downpour. The story reads as a personal account, or a diary, of one Teddy Garnett, an aging widower going through a bad case of nicotine withdrawl. He tells the story of what's happening around him, as the rain pounds down and the worms, well, read the book. There's a section in the middle where Keene loses me a little, but he quickly rights the ship. A tale told in classic Stephen King style, with fantastic dialogue, this book is destined to be another in a fine line of armageddon classics. ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Motor Home Massacre

In terms of movie making, they got the massacre part right. In terms of surprise endings, they got the massacre part right. If they planned on making a lousy, piece of crap movie, damn, they done got it right! When a group of co-eds take the nerd's father's RV out for some humpin' under the stars action, they have no idea that death waits them! I almost died from boredom watching this. Actually, my spirit is writing this from the other side, I did die when I saw the asinine shot at a twist ending! Yeah, it's a massacre. 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: Ghost Game

This film is unrated, but don't let that fool you. It's really PG-13. There's no nudity, the kills are not very graphic, there is alot of cursing, but that's about it. But surprise, surprise! I kinda liked it. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but this is a pretty funny movie. The dialogue is hilarious and covers for the fact that there's not much blood. There are two shades of acting in this movie. Some of the actors are really good, and some are lousy. The good ones make up for the bad ones. The story centers around a group of friends vacationing at a cabin on an isolated island. They find a box left behind by a trio of witches many years prior. Despite the warnings, they open the box and get caught in a "game" of life and death. It kept me entertained throughout, even though it's no masterpiece. The makers of this film, and a few of the actors, are going to go far in the industry. Ghost Game plays up ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Sweet Insanity

I have to admit, the box art cover is what sold me to watch this one. It looked like this would be a wild and bloody fun ride. Oh, damn you cover designers, damn you to hell! From what I can tell, the girl on the cover isn't even the same girl in the movie. If she is, then I'm the one insane. The movie did drive me nuts though because for some reason, at random points, the dialogue moved from the center speaker to the rear speakers of my surround system. Needless to say, the sound editing sucked. They even had a blooper reel running through the end credits, but you couldn't hear them over the lousy rock music. It's a crappy tale of multiple personalities and the people they kill, all in glorious PG-13 fashion. The group of guys, who in the beginning you can't stand, actually turn out to be the funniest and most enjoyable part of this poopy film. I don't know, maybe I just don't care for 39 year old actors pretending to be high schoolers. It gets * out of *****.

DVD Review: King of the Ants

Stuart Gordon is simply incapable of making a bad movie. The man is amazing. Whether he's directing a Lovecraftian tale about fish people (Dagon), or a brutal revenge movie like King of the Ants, the mastery of both the lens, and his incredible ability to get the most from his actors, shine through. George Wendt is unbelievable in this movie. Newcomer Chris McKenna is outstanding. Daniel Baldwin gives the best performance of his career. It's a brutal tale about a young man named Sean (McKenna) who gets into a hornets nest of bad luck when he does a "job" for the local bad guy (Baldwin). After things get out of hand, the bad guys decide to make Sean "disappear". They have no idea of this guys intestinal fortitude! Brilliantly shot, there are portions that make you cringe at the realism of pain. The movie kept me entranced all the way through, the way they're meant to do. I give it ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: The Butcher

Things turn bad when a group of college co-eds take the scenic route and have a run-in with a mean trucker. After a horrible accident, the kids find out just how mean this trucker is, and wait until they meet his old lady! The Butcher is a decent film. It basically combined elements from all the hillbilly, inbred cannibal movies that were all the rage over the last few years. There's even one scene that's almost identical to one in Wrong Turn. You'll notice pieces of Hills have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw, Wolf Creek, and others all wrapped up in The Butcher. But with all that mimicking, it's still its own movie. Very good acting for the most part, although a few parts were over the top. The direction was solid and the sound was decent enough. All in all, it is a very nice film to wile away a Saturday night to. It's not Angus, but it's not spoiled either. The Butcher chops up ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Severed-Forest of the Dead

This one came as a surprise for me. I had no previous knowledge of it, there was no promotional push, yet it turns out, it's a very nicely made zombie flick. The DVD was rented out at my local mega-store, so I had to catch this one on pay per view. So as far as the DVD specs are concerned, I have no idea. The film wastes no time getting underway and for that i am grateful. It's filmed in a herky-jerky hand-held kind of way. I think it's a new "zombie movie camerawork" phase filmmakers are going through. The frantic camera does add a bit to the tension, but it's a little over done here. The actors did a very nice job throughout. The story is about a logging company that's using a chemical additive to enhance the growth of trees. There's an unexpected reaction when the chemical comes into contact with humans. It turns them into flesh eating zombies! There are alot of environmental issues on display here, and the filmmakers did a fantastic job of showing both the log worker's and the tree hugger's points of view. And here's another thing that I loved about this movie---It took everything dead seriously! With zombies all around you, and you're quaratined on an island, there are no jokes to be made! The ending may not be for everybody, but I thought it was fitting. Severed is one of the better zombie movies to come out in the last two years. It gets ****1/2 out of *****.

Vote for Rob Zombie!!

Hey Fiends, Spike TV is having a Scream Awards show for the Sci-Fi/Horror genre. Click HERE to cast your votes. Be sure to vote for my good friend (if we ever met) Rob Zombie and his film, The Devil's Rejects!! Do it now.

DVD Review: The Graveyard

The Graveyard. It’s hard to imagine that after all these years of horror movies that that simplistic title has eluded many a producer. Now, it finally sees the cover of a DVD and unfortunately for all of us, it should have stayed elusive. What starts out as a run of the mill “revenge” movie, The Graveyard quickly takes a path that not many films take…that of a run of the mill “revenge” movie. There is nothing new here to make it worth anyone’s while.
The plot of this film goes something like this: A group of teens are spending the summer at a campground. They head to the nearby cemetery to play a game called “Run for Your Life”. It’s basically Hide and Go Seek. The poor bastard that has to do the seeking is the unknowing pawn in a bad prank and yeah, he ends up dead. Five years later, the one kid that actually had to do time for the death is being released from prison, and the rest of the gang wants to help him come to terms with everything that’s happened. They do the kindly thing and take him back to the campground where everything happened! Besides everybody being on edge, everything is hunky-dory. Then people start to die.
The DVD’s video is clean and pretty crisp. Lionsgate is the distributor and they rarely put out a crappy looking disc. The director tried his honest best with what he had to work with, which was not much. It’s hard to believe that these were the best actors in the auditions, not to mention that the script was a piece of crap. Let me ask you, if there’s a homicidal maniac running around killing all your friends, would you stop to sit on a log and make out with the camp cook? These scenes have no place in horror movies. Nobody cares about romance after the killings have started---it makes no sense! Not to mention that the nighttime forest is lit up like an airport runway, but strangely, there are no lights. Surely we’re not to think that the quarter-moon they keep showing is shedding that type of luminosity?
The audio on the disc is nothing to write home about. It’s better heard through your TV’s speakers rather than your sound system. There is no surround available, so it’s not even worth turning it on, you’ll only get frustrated. Same goes for the extras on the disc. There’s no “making of” segment, no bloopers, no nothing. Just a few preview trailers. Easily one of the lamest horror discs recently released. It’s like a bad after-school special with a few scenes of gratuitous (and I do mean gratuitous—they must have paid the poor girl an extra ten bucks!) nude scenes.
If you’re looking for entertainment, The Graveyard is not it. Actually going to a graveyard at night, now that would produce more chills than watching this crapper.
It gets 1/2* out of *****.

DVD Review: The Hills Have Eyes (Unrated)

Wes Craven's thriller re-imagined for a new age of moviegoers. I'm ho-hum on this one. It could have been much much better. Sure, there was a ton of violence, blood, and gore, but there was no suspense. Things just happened, with no real buildup of tension. That killed the fear aspect immensly. This could have been a very creepy, effective scarefest, but it wasn't. Not that it was terrible, it was entertaining as a movie, but just could have been so much more. The plot's the same as the original so there's no point going over it. It's worth a look if you like realistic violence, but if you're looking for scares, set your eyes on other hills. **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Cemetery Gates

From the creators of Boo comes a nice return to Saturday night monster matinees. The creature is cheesy and is shown way too much, but you just can't help loving every minute of it. You just have to sit there and smile as the beast tears into unsuspecting victims. The producers must have gotten a great deal on stage blood because there is a ton of it spilled here! A couple of well intending activists steal a creature from a lab, intent on setting it free. What they don't know is that the creature is a tasmanian devil that's had some serious testing done to it! Once free, the beast wrecks havoc and only the scientist (Phantasm's Reggie Bannister) responsible can stop it. Can he do it before it kills his estranged son and his goofy friends? ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: The Nun

I thought this was a good movie. For a small budget film, the director got absolutely every penny's worth on the screen. The effects were great, the locations were great, the camera work was perfect, the sound was very good, the acting was---okay. But hey, 4 out of 5 ain't bad! It all started at a girl's school run by nuns. One of the nuns is a real mean old beeeyatch. She takes out her evil tendencies on the girls. Then, the nun goes a little too far, the girls revolt, and the nun dies in an accident. Jump to present day, and one by one the women begin, yep you guessed it, dying! It's up to the daughter of one of them to uncover the truth! An enjoyable film from start to finish---except for one mind numbing part---with a killer nun floating around, would you really take the time to make out with someone in an old, dilapidated school? Stupid!! Everything else was great. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Camp Slaughter

At least this film had a unique premise. However, it was a little difficult getting through this one. It's not scary or gory, but it can be a little silly and a little irritating at times. The plot goes like this---A group of college kids are driving along when all of a sudden, their truck stops running. They stay the night in the truck and they each have a terrible dream. When they wake up, they're surrounded by camp counselors who are stuck in the 80's, like totally! Over the next hour and so, you will chuckle at the 80's style and lingo a couple of times. When the group decide to leave, things start to go crazy---like people dying. The kills are generally PG-13 and are nothing to write home about. You do get the feeling that the filmmakers really did try their best, and it was an admirable job. If the kills weren't so bland, and they could have toned down the African American chick, it would have gotten a higher score. It gets ** out of *****.

DVD Review: Hostel

Here's another I've been dying to see. I wanted to wait for the unrated version to really get the effect of the film. Again, I was rather disappointed. While it was way better than Wolf Creek, I just don't feel it lived up to the hype. It just took too long to get going. I know there has to be some character buildup, but these weren't exactly complex characters. There was alot of gratuitous nudity in the first 30 minutes or so, and if I had my druthers, I'd have substituted some of it for some scares. The premise of the movie is definitely horrifying and I'm hoping that like the Saw franchise, the second installment is better. If you don't already know the plot, it's about a hostel in Europe where rich people can pay to torture and kill people and the two college kids that get caught up in the mix. Supposedly, these places really exist and that's the scary part! **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Vlad

This movie starts out pretty impressive. There is alot of history about Vlad the Impaler and his family. Unfortunately, things go south real quick. Brad Dourif and Billy Zane give good performances, and that's just about all the good I have to say about it. It's about Vlad's amulet that supposedly has the power to bring him back from the dead. Four college students, one of whom is Romanian and has the amulet, are on a trek to learn more about Vlad for their research papers. As you've already guessed, the original Dracula returns, and kills people rather boringly. The location shots are nice and authentic but the movie drags. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Wolf Creek

I don't know why I get excited anymore. I waited and waited for this one to come out, with so much hype about how scary it was, I was brimming with excitement. It turned out to be one of the biggest disappointments for me in a long, long time. There was nothing...and I mean nothing, in the first hour and twenty minutes! We have to wait that long for something to happen? And then when the action picks up, it's neither scary, nor tension-filled. The movie is based on a true story about an Australian, who kills people out in the desert. He comes off as a swell guy, just trying to help out some kids whose car broke down, and eventually, he ...well, you know. The accents are hard to follow at times, there are a few moments where you mutter to yourself "How did he...?", and it's just plain boring for the first 83 minutes. For that, it gets * out of *****.