Movie Review: Creature

ARGGGHHH!!! Will somebody tell me right now just how this movie made it into theaters?! After seeing the trailer for Creature, I thought, OK, might be a little cheesy but it could be fun. Holy hell, I couldn't have been more wrong!

Terror has teeth?! TERROR HAS TEETH?! ARGGGHHHH! It took so long to see these so-called teeth I stopped caring by the time I did! This movie is an hour and a half of pure crapola. The monster is THE worst thing I've ever seen and the characters just can't die quickly enough for my tastes. Man, everything about this movie sucked, with the exception of Sid Haig, of course. In fact, the three hillbillies, of which Haig is one, are the ONLY things about this move that are half-decent. The twenty-something soon-to-be victims are so cardboard it's ridiculous.

This movie should have been titled, "Creature... That Slowly Stands from a Squat." Because that's ALL this creature does! Every time they show him, he's slowly rising from a squat. Sometimes he has some kind of turtle shell or something on top of him and sometimes he doesn't. What, does he carry that thing around like a cape or something? And that's not even the worst of it. When the creature growls or makes one of its other imposing noises, it does so without moving its mouth! Instead of killing swamp people, this mo-fo could have had a great career as a ventriloquist.

Creature is so bad, it shouldn't even be considered for one of Syfy's Saturday Night movies! In fact, this thing makes some of Syfy's offerings look like freaking Lord of the Rings! It doesn't even fit in the "it's so bad it's good" category. I'm telling you, I haven't been this pissed off after seeing a movie in ages. What a terrible waste of time this movie is. If you have a hankering to see an old back-Bayou killer movie, try Hatchet, or even Venom, as they are far superior to this swampy turd (and that's saying something!).

I give Creature a big fat alligator egg, 0 out of *****.

Check out the trailer for Creature below.