DVD Review: The Hills Have Eyes (Unrated)

Wes Craven's thriller re-imagined for a new age of moviegoers. I'm ho-hum on this one. It could have been much much better. Sure, there was a ton of violence, blood, and gore, but there was no suspense. Things just happened, with no real buildup of tension. That killed the fear aspect immensly. This could have been a very creepy, effective scarefest, but it wasn't. Not that it was terrible, it was entertaining as a movie, but just could have been so much more. The plot's the same as the original so there's no point going over it. It's worth a look if you like realistic violence, but if you're looking for scares, set your eyes on other hills. **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Cemetery Gates

From the creators of Boo comes a nice return to Saturday night monster matinees. The creature is cheesy and is shown way too much, but you just can't help loving every minute of it. You just have to sit there and smile as the beast tears into unsuspecting victims. The producers must have gotten a great deal on stage blood because there is a ton of it spilled here! A couple of well intending activists steal a creature from a lab, intent on setting it free. What they don't know is that the creature is a tasmanian devil that's had some serious testing done to it! Once free, the beast wrecks havoc and only the scientist (Phantasm's Reggie Bannister) responsible can stop it. Can he do it before it kills his estranged son and his goofy friends? ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: The Nun

I thought this was a good movie. For a small budget film, the director got absolutely every penny's worth on the screen. The effects were great, the locations were great, the camera work was perfect, the sound was very good, the acting was---okay. But hey, 4 out of 5 ain't bad! It all started at a girl's school run by nuns. One of the nuns is a real mean old beeeyatch. She takes out her evil tendencies on the girls. Then, the nun goes a little too far, the girls revolt, and the nun dies in an accident. Jump to present day, and one by one the women begin, yep you guessed it, dying! It's up to the daughter of one of them to uncover the truth! An enjoyable film from start to finish---except for one mind numbing part---with a killer nun floating around, would you really take the time to make out with someone in an old, dilapidated school? Stupid!! Everything else was great. **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Camp Slaughter

At least this film had a unique premise. However, it was a little difficult getting through this one. It's not scary or gory, but it can be a little silly and a little irritating at times. The plot goes like this---A group of college kids are driving along when all of a sudden, their truck stops running. They stay the night in the truck and they each have a terrible dream. When they wake up, they're surrounded by camp counselors who are stuck in the 80's, like totally! Over the next hour and so, you will chuckle at the 80's style and lingo a couple of times. When the group decide to leave, things start to go crazy---like people dying. The kills are generally PG-13 and are nothing to write home about. You do get the feeling that the filmmakers really did try their best, and it was an admirable job. If the kills weren't so bland, and they could have toned down the African American chick, it would have gotten a higher score. It gets ** out of *****.

DVD Review: Hostel

Here's another I've been dying to see. I wanted to wait for the unrated version to really get the effect of the film. Again, I was rather disappointed. While it was way better than Wolf Creek, I just don't feel it lived up to the hype. It just took too long to get going. I know there has to be some character buildup, but these weren't exactly complex characters. There was alot of gratuitous nudity in the first 30 minutes or so, and if I had my druthers, I'd have substituted some of it for some scares. The premise of the movie is definitely horrifying and I'm hoping that like the Saw franchise, the second installment is better. If you don't already know the plot, it's about a hostel in Europe where rich people can pay to torture and kill people and the two college kids that get caught up in the mix. Supposedly, these places really exist and that's the scary part! **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Vlad

This movie starts out pretty impressive. There is alot of history about Vlad the Impaler and his family. Unfortunately, things go south real quick. Brad Dourif and Billy Zane give good performances, and that's just about all the good I have to say about it. It's about Vlad's amulet that supposedly has the power to bring him back from the dead. Four college students, one of whom is Romanian and has the amulet, are on a trek to learn more about Vlad for their research papers. As you've already guessed, the original Dracula returns, and kills people rather boringly. The location shots are nice and authentic but the movie drags. * out of *****.

DVD Review: Wolf Creek

I don't know why I get excited anymore. I waited and waited for this one to come out, with so much hype about how scary it was, I was brimming with excitement. It turned out to be one of the biggest disappointments for me in a long, long time. There was nothing...and I mean nothing, in the first hour and twenty minutes! We have to wait that long for something to happen? And then when the action picks up, it's neither scary, nor tension-filled. The movie is based on a true story about an Australian, who kills people out in the desert. He comes off as a swell guy, just trying to help out some kids whose car broke down, and eventually, he ...well, you know. The accents are hard to follow at times, there are a few moments where you mutter to yourself "How did he...?", and it's just plain boring for the first 83 minutes. For that, it gets * out of *****.

DVD Review: King Kong

Another remake of a classic. The big difference here, Peter Jackson. He does another amazing job directing a huge movie with exceptional results. This new version of Kong is more exciting, action packed, and violent than any of it's predecessors. I was initially not impressed with Jack Black, however, as the movie rolled along, he was better and better. That pretty much goes for all the actors in the movie. But they're not the reason we watch this movie. The movie is the Ape. The CGI is phenomenal and you can actually feel Kong's emotions. The gorilla is the star of the movie and that's the way it sould be. I also have to add that Jackson creates some of the scariest looking natives ever. I'd be more afraid of them than Kong! A three hour roller coaster that ultimately ends as all the Kong movies end. Even though you know what's coming, the emotional impact of it is resounding. The surround sound is stellar on this disc and makes the film that much more enjoyable. If you don't have a 5.1 system yet, then go get one and then watch King Kong. If only all remakes could hold to this level of expertise. ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: 2001 Maniacs

2001 Maniacs was a pleasure to watch. A great mixture of horror, comedy, gore, and southern hospitality! A group of college co-eds are heading down to Florida for Spring Break when they get detoured to the lovely town of Pleasant Valley. They're just in time for the big barbeque festival. Led by the mayor (fantastically played by Robert Englund), the town does it's best to make the strangers feel welcome. Unfortunately, Pleasant Valley's idea of feeling welcome is down right nasty. This one is a gem in an ocean of crappy movies, so do yourself a favor and check it out. It's a promising debut from an up and coming production company, I hope they keep it up. It gets ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Satanic

Horrifying! Terrifying! Ruthless and careless abandon! No, not the movie, the acting!! This is an absolute snorefest. The acting never gets emotional or even human-like. If you watch closely, you be amazed at how many people get hit in the face. Somebody should have hit the director in the face and stopped this tragedy. Even the talents of Jeffery Combs and Angus Scrimm can't raise this crapper from the dead. I have a feeling your soul will be damned just by sitting through this thing! No bother describing the plot, it's ridiculous, lame, boring, and bad. Another one gets 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: Harvest of Fear

What in Sam Hill?? Wait a minute, here! Are my eyes deceiving me? If you scroll a little down the page, you'll see a review for a movie called Path of Evil. Call me goofy, but this is almost the exact same movie! Same actors playing the same exact roles, in a different movie with nearly an identical plot! How they got the opportunity to destroy two reams of film is beyong me. 'nough said. 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: Fear of Clowns

Fear of Clowns is a worthwile horror film. While it's not great, there were some very good aspects to it. It was directed really well, acted decent enough, and it had a really sinister looking clown. The black eyes really did it. I can't go on and say that it was "terrifying" or "frightening", but it was an entertaining horror movie. I mean, come on, I haven't seen a truly "terrifying" horror film since I was eight! Those reviewers that say those things have been watching too many Jennifer Aniston movies. There's already a sequel in the works and for that I'm glad, they deserve it. The story is about a woman who paints clowns and is divorcing her husband. Let's just say it's not the most peaceful breakup. Oh yeah, and there's a sinister clown with black eyes! There's also a very good "making of" segment on the disc that really takes you into the problems that some of these independent filmmakers have to go through. I give it **** out of *****.

DVD Review: Joshua

The cover screams "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!". Uh, different movie. This is the latest offering from Fangoria's Gorezone line of films and it's not bad. The director thinks he's Hitchcock with all the queer angles and closeup camera work, but it does add to the quirkiness of the film. The film is about a group of friends that did a terrible thing while growing up and when one comes home for his father's funeral, it sets off a chain of events, none of them good. The ending was a surprise, I'll give it that. This was another one that tended to drag in places, but it was engaging enough to see it through to the bitter end. I give Joshua ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Pulse

What the hell is this?! Supposed to be the scariest film of the year?! This was the worst Japanese horror film I've ever seen! It's boring, it's too dark in spots, the sound is muffled and the picture is grainy and that's only a few things that are wrong with this picture. There's an American remake coming out this year and all I can say is "Why?!". The face on the front is never in the movie, not unless it is one of the extremely dark scenes and that means you'll never see it anyway. The movie is about death, and how lonely we are and...oh who cares! It feels like it's four hours long! It just plods and plods and plods. Stay away. 0 out of *****.

DVD Review: 3 Extremes

It's been a long time between reviews, but I'm back! And I wish I had a better movie for you to watch. 3 Extremes, while not terrible, was a disappointing viewing experience. I've come to expect the unexpected while watching Japanese horror and frankly, this movie didn't cut it. It's actually three short movies on one disc, with the second disc holding a longer version of one of the shorts, titled "Dumplings". All three films were directed nicely, one each by Miike Takashi, Fruit Chan, and Park Chanwook. Surprisingly, Miike's film titled "The Box" was the worst of the lot. Chanwook's offering, "Cut", was probably the most entertaining and the full version of "Dumplings" by Fruit Chan was the best overall. Never scary, and worse yet, never extreme, these three are decent films that should have been packaged under a different anthology. There's a second helping of 3 Extremes being released next month, hopefully they are a little more extreme than these three. I give it **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Saw 2

After sitting through the first Saw, I was reluctant to play Jigsaw's game again. It was one of the first films that I reviewed on this site, and needless to say, I wasn't impressed. The same cannot be said about the sequel. This is one of those rare sequels that overtakes the original. It starts off with a jolting, skin crawling scenario and keeps it coming all the way up to the revealing end. This was cleverly written and orchestrated and I never saw the end coming. That is incredibly hard to do in today's cinema. I just read the other day that there will be a third installment and as long as they up the ante like they did here, then I'll be waiting in line to see it. It's hard for me to say it, but this is one Hollywood made movie that delivered the goods in an original, fresh way. If only they could all be this well made! Saw 2 gets ****1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: War of the Worlds

Sorry it took so long for this one, but it just kept falling to the back of the line. It's always a weird feeling when you're watching a sci-fi movie, and with all the far out stuff happening on screen, when the tiniest reality-based goof sets you off. This picture is loaded with them. For instance, the lightening storm takes out ALL electrical devices in the area, even wrist watches, yet people's cameras and video cameras still function. Or, how many times does an airplane fall from the sky, leaving a nice ready made trail to drive through, not to mention not even scratching the paint on the van parked about 5 feet from the wreckage? Infuriating, I say! There's no doubt that Spielberg is a great director and there are a few scenes in this movie that are amazing but with all his attention to detail, there were way too many little things that got by the man. As far as the look and sound, they were both spectacular. It's a good disc to show off your new surround system with. All the little things added with an anti-climactic ending are too much to overlook here. It gets **1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Doom

The Rock has solidified himself as the new face of action movies in my opinion. His acting comes naturally to him and you just can't argue his charisma. Doom of course is based on the popular PC video game and it's an entertaining ride from start to finish. Plenty of paranoid suspense, rapid camera pans and video game-esque music to get the pulse moving. The acting is pretty good throughout and I have to admit, I was surprised by the Rock's character in the film. It's a good popcorn movie if you don't like your films on the serious side and just a fun film to watch. I give it **** out of *****.

DVD Review: The Beast of Bray Road

This is one that I wanted to see for a while, I just couldn't find it anywhere. But, finally I found it. It turns out that it's a finely crafted piece of filmmaking that ultimately ends up a victim of it's own creature. What do I mean by that? Well, the film is good, the acting is good, everything is good, but they have to go and show the beast's face too many times. Hey, even the beast is a decent one here, but it could have been way more effective if it wasn't such a camera hog. When he's hunched over gnawing on a piece of meat, he's an impressive looking specimen, but then we have to see a close-up of his mug and that just takes away from the imagination a bit. The film is based on true events, but of course, they base it VERY loosely on the real beast of Bray Road. What we have here is a decent little werewolf movie, better than many, but it's no Ginger Snaps. It gets ***1/2 out of *****.

DVD Review: Demon Hunter

From Stephen J. Cannell, the brilliant mind that brought us The A-Team, comes an epic film about the war between good and evil, between Heaven and Hell, between my thumb and the stop button! This thing is being advertised absolutely everywhere, so I had to see what all the fuss was about. Well, let me tell you, if your ideal movie consists of a guy walking around squinting hard and complaining all the time how he doesn't care about this or that, then you're in luck! And that's the good guy I'm talking about! Or maybe you envision a movie utopia where Billy Drago lays around caressing naked chicks all day and then walks around the graveyard like a homeless man and then caresses some more naked chicks before getting into a horrendous confrontation with the squinting anti-hero. Hey, it's your lucky day! Seriously folks, this is almost as bad as it gets. 0 out of *****. No Davey For You!